[ THEME SONG PLAYS ] * I BET WE'VE BEEN TOGETHERFOR A MILLION YEARS * * AND I'LL BET WE'LL BE TOGETHERFOR A MILLION MORE * * OH, IT'S LIKEI STARTED BREATHING * * ON THE NIGHT WE KISSED * AND I CAN'T REMEMBERWHAT I EVER DID BEFORE * * WHAT WOULD WE DO, BABY * WITHOUT US? * WHAT WOULD WE DO, BABY * WITHOUT US? * AND THEREAIN'T NO NOTHIN' * * WE CAN'T LOVEEACH OTHER THROUGH * * OOH-HOO * WHAT WOULD WE DO, BABY * WITHOUT US? * SHA-LA-LA-LA OKAY, ANDY. YOU READY? [ ANDY GIGGLES ] OKAY. THIS IS HIM. THIS IS THE GUYI'VE BEEN TELLING YOU ABOUT. 74 YEARS OLD,HE STILL HAS HIS OWN TEETH. I MEAN, THIS IS EVERYTHINGYOU'D WANT IN A PRESIDENT. ALEX. PUT THIS AWAY.YOU'LL FRIGHTEN HIM. [ As Ronald Reagan ]WELL, THERE YOU GO AGAIN, DAD. REPUBLICAN. [ SIGHS ] WAITING FOR ADAM? ADAM WHO? ADAM GALARDNER, THE BOY YOU'VEBEEN WALKING TO SCHOOL WITH EVERY DAYFOR THE PAST WEEK. OH, HIM. YEAH. I THINK ADAM'SA WONDERFUL BOY. YEAH, WELL, HE'S REALLY NICEAND SMART AND FUNNY. AND HE LIKES BASEBALLAS MUCH AS I DO. HE'S THE BOY I'VE BEENLOOKING FOR MY WHOLE LIFE. ONLY SHORTER. WE'RE GOING TO THE SIXTH-GRADEDANCE TOGETHER. THAT'S TERRIFIC, HONEY. YEAH, WELL, IT WAS REALLYROMANTIC HOW IT HAPPENED. WE WERE PLAYING SOFTBALL, AND HEWAS CATCHER FOR THE OTHER TEAM, AND I WAS ON THIRD. I TRIED TO SCOREON A GROUND BALL, BUT HE WAS BLOCKINGTHE PLATE. I BARRELED INTO HIM,AND I ASKED HIM TO THE DANCE AS SOON AS HE REGAINEDCONSCIOUSNESS. THAT'S HOW I METYOUR DAD. COME ON, ALEX, STOP.MALLORY. COME ON, JUST HELP ME OUT HERE,WILL YOU? MOM, DAD,MAKE ALEX LEAVE ME ALONE. WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? THERE'S NO PROBLEM. LOOK, I HAVE TO WRITEA PAPER ON I.Q. TESTS FOR MY PSYCH CLASS. NOW, I HAVE TO SUBMITTWO EXAMPLES. NOW, I GOTA SMART EXAMPLE, AND NOW I NEED ANOTHER ONEFOR CONTRAST. I DON'T UNDERSTAND. SEE? YOU'D BE PERFECT. ALEX, I.Q. TESTSARE NOT AN ACCURATE MEASURE OF A PERSON'SINTELLIGENCE. ELYSE, YOU AND I TOOK I.Q. TESTSIN COLLEGE, REMEMBER? I VAGUELY RECALLI SCORED... 7 1/2 POINTSHIGHER THAN YOU DID. AS I SAID,THEY'RE NOT ACCURATE. MOM, I, UH --I SINCERELY BEG TO DIFFER. STATISTICS SHOW THAT THIS NEWCOSGROVE-ROGET I.Q. TEST IS ACCURATETO WITHIN FIVE POINTS. I MYSELF SCORED 137, WHICH IS WITHIN A FEW POINTSOF GENIUS LEVEL. THIS BEING AN EXAMPLEOF THE FIVE-POINT VARIABILITY. ALEX, I DON'T WANT TO TAKEYOUR STUPID TEST. IT'S NOT A STUPID TEST,MALLORY. IT'S AN INTELLIGENCE TEST. IF IT WERE A STUPID TEST,YOU'D DO WELL ON IT. LOOK, THERE'S NO WAYI'M GONNA DO THIS. ALL RIGHT,I'LL GIVE YOU 10 BUCKS. WELL, OKAY.ALL RIGHT. GIVE YOU THE TEST AFTER SCHOOL,MALLORY. WHERE IS HE? WAITING FOR ADAM? ADAM WHO? JEN, COME ON, WE ALL KNOWHE'S YOUR BOYFRIEND. YOU GOT NOTHING TO HIDEFROM US. WE'RE FAMILY.WE SUPPORT ONE ANOTHER. IT'S NOT -- IT'S NOT LIKEWE'RE GONNA MAKE FUN OF YOU OR ANYTHING. OKAY, I GUESS HE'SSORT OF MY BOYFRIEND. OKAY. * JENNIFER'SGOT A BOYFRIEND *MOM. * JENNIFER'SGOT A BOYFRIEND * ALEX, STOP TORMENTINGYOUR SISTER. MOM, I JUST STARTED. [ KNOCK ON DOOR ] HI, ADAM. COME ON IN.HEY, ADAM. HI, ADAM.HI, EVERYBODY. UH, I GOT YOUTHIS NEW REDS HAT. OH, THANKS.THAT WAS VERY NICE OF YOU. [ HUMMING ] ALEX. YOU READY TO GO,JENNIFER? YEP. COME ON. PARDON ME.JUST, UH,DROP BY ANYTIME, ADAM. HAVE FUN.BYE. BYE-BYE. WHOA. OKAY, GET IT OUTOF YOUR SYSTEMS. Together: AWW! HE'S SO CUTE.HE'S NICE. GREAT HEIGHT. YEAH.HE'S A PERFECT... [ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ] SO, WHO DO YOU THINKIS THE BEST FIRST BASEMAN? UH, STEVE GARVEY. WELL, WHO DO YOU THINKIS THE BEST SHORTSTOP? SHORTSTOP. JENNIFER KEATON. IN THE MAJOR LEAGUES. ANY LEAGUE. YOU EXCITED ABOUT THE DANCE,JENNIFER? YEAH. ARE YOU? I GUESS SO. WELL,WHAT'S THE MATTER? I'M JUST NOT A VERY GOOD DANCER,THAT'S ALL. NEITHER AM I. WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO? LET'S BRING OUR BASEBALL MITTS,JUST IN CASE. OKAY. BUT WE HAVE TOTAKE THEM OFF BEFORE WE DANCE. [ GRUNTS ] HEY, KIDDY. I HAVE A GREAT IDEA. LET'S FINISH EATING OUR LUNCHESOUTSIDE. WE CAN'T EAT OUTSIDE. WELL,THEN LET'S JUST SKIP LUNCH. ADAM,WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? I'VE JUST SUDDENLYLOST MY APPETITE. ADAM. HEY, GALARDNER. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE,RICK. KNOCK IT OFF, RICK. HEY, WHO'S THIS, GALARDNER?YOUR MOTHER? [ LAUGHS ] VERY FUNNY. LET'S GO, JENNIFER. WHERE'RE YOU GOING,GALARDNER? NOT SCARED OF ME,ARE YOU? IS THAT WHY YOU'RE NEVER INTHE SAME PLACES I AM, GALARDNER? HEY,I ASKED YOU A QUESTION. OH, NICE HAT. LET ME SEE IT. ALL RIGHT, YEAH? Together: YEAH. I'M WARNING YOU, RICK.LEAVE HIM ALONE. OOH. HEY, TELL YOUR GIRLFRIENDTO GET OUT OF MY WAY, GALARDNER. [ GRUNTS ] [ WHISTLE BLOWS ] HOLD IT RIGHT THERE. COME ON, ALEX. THAT'S THE FIFTH TIMEYOU'VE GONE OVER MY TEST. I COULDN'T HAVE DONETHAT BAD. MAL --MALLORY, LOOK, I'M -- I JUST GOT TO GO OVER THESEFIGURES ONE MORE TIME, OKAY? SOMETHING MUST BE WRONG HERE.MY CALCULATOR MUST BE BROKEN. ALL RIGHT, OKAY,I'M GONNA GO UPSTAIRS AND GO OVER THESEONE MORE TIME. NO. NO, LISTEN.HEY, ALEX. I APPRECIATE YOU TRYINGTO SPARE MY FEELINGS. BUT I WANT TO KNOWMY SCORE. WELL, MALLORY, YOU KNOW, I REALLY DON'T THINKYOU SHOULD TORTURE YOURSELF. MALLORY. OH! I GOT A 139!YOU GOT A 137! I'M TWO POINTS SMARTERTHAN YOU ARE. NOW, MALLORY,DON'T JUMP TO -- I MEAN,YOU CAN'T POSSIB-- * I'M SMARTER THAN ALEX MALLORY, GIVE ME --NO! WHAT'S THE MATTER, ALEX? AFRAID OF MY BEINGYOUR INTELLECTUAL SUPERIOR? WHO WOULDN'T BE, MALLORY? MALLORY, GIVE ME THAT. HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON? LOOK, MOM, MY I.Q. ISTWO POINTS HIGHER THAN ALEX'S. Alex:NO, IT'S NOT. DON'T PAY ANY ATTENTIONTO THAT. I GOT TO GET TO A PHONE. NO, NOT THE PHONE! NO! MALLORY. MALLORY, UM,I JUST -- I JUST DIDN'T ADD UP THE FIGURESCORRECTLY. AHA.POOR MATH SKILLS. [ CLICKS TONGUE ] MALLORY SCORED TWO POINTS HIGHERTHAN ALEX ON AN I.Q. TEST. WHOA. WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF THIS,ELYSE? WELL, I GUESSMALLORY'S BRIGHTER THAN HER GRADES AT SCHOOLWOULD INDICATE. [ SCOFFS ] I ALWAYS KNEWSHE HAD MY BRAIN. WHAT DO YOU MEAN,YOUR BRAIN? I-I MEANT OUR BRAIN. OUR BRAIN? YES,OUR COLLECTIVE BRAIN. OF WHICHYOU HAVE CUSTODY. HI, MOM. HI, DAD. HI, DARLING.SWEETHEART. LISTEN, I HAVE SOMETHINGTO TELL YOU GUYS. HM?WHAT IS IT? I SORT OF GOT IN TROUBLEAT SCHOOL TODAY. I SORT OF PUNCHED A GUYIN THE STOMACH. AND THAT'S WHEN YOUSORT OF GOT INTO TROUBLE? SORT OF. UH, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? YEAH, I'M FINE. THE PRINCIPAL GAVE ME THIS NOTETO TAKE HOME. HE WAS IN A BAD MOODWHEN HE WROTE THAT, SO TAKE ITWITH A GRAIN OF SALT. WHY DID YOU HITTHIS BOY? BECAUSEHE WAS A BIG CREEP. AND BECAUSE HE WASABOUT TO BEAT UP ADAM. WELL, YOU SHOULD'VEKNOWN BETTER, JEN. YOU SHOULD HAVE CALLEDA TEACHER. THERE WEREN'T ANY AROUND. HONEST. IT SAYS HERE YOU'LLHAVE TO STAY A HALF AN HOUR AFTER SCHOOLEVERY DAY THIS WEEK. WHY DON'T YOU GO UPTO YOUR ROOM? WE'LL TALK ABOUT THISLATER. OKAY.AND I'M SORRY. BUT HE WAS A BIG JERK. HE HAD IT COMING. WELL -- HM. I HOPE SHE UNDERSTANDS THE EXTREME GRAVITYOF THIS SITUATION. OH, I'M SURE SHE DOES.YEAH. I WISH I'D BEEN THERETO SEE IT. HOPE SHE REALLY DECKEDTHAT CREEP.[ CHUCKLES ] IT WAS WRONG.OH, YEAH. ALL OF THAT.YEAH. YEAH. QUITE WRONG. [ DOORBELL RINGS ] ADAM. COME ON IN. I CAN'T STAY,MRS. KEATON. MAY I SPEAKWITH JENNIFER? YEAH -- JENNIFER!COME ON DOWN. HI, ADAM.Adam: HI. HI, ADAM. LISTEN, YOU DON'THAVE TO THANK ME OR ANYTHING. I MEAN, IT'S OVER. LET'S JUST PUT THIS THINGBEHIND US. I JUST CAME BY TO TELL YOU TO GET SOMEONE ELSETO GO TO THE DANCE WITH YOU, 'CAUSE I NEVER WANT TOSEE YOU AGAIN. [ DOOR CLOSES ] Y-YES, YES, I AM QUITE SUREI ADMINISTERED YOUR COSGROVE-ROGET TESTCORRECTLY, SIR. WELL, NO, THE PURPOSEOF MY CALL, SIR, IS THIS -- MY SISTER... IS A MORON. YET YOUR TEST LABELS HERAS A GENIUS. NOW, I WOULD LIKE TO SPEAKTO THE HEAD OF YOUR COMPANY. HELLO? HELLO? IDIOTS. THE INTELLIGENCE BUSINESSIS FULL OF IDIOTS. HOW YOU DOING?JUST, UH,ONE MORE TO GO. THERE. OKAY. NOW,IF YOU DO WELL ON THIS, IT'LL PROVE THE TESTHAS NO CREDIBILITY. ALL RIGHT.LET'S PROVE IT. ACCORDING TO THIS, SKIP, YOU HAVE NO I.Q. WELL, IT'S BETTER THAN I DIDTHE LAST TIME. I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE I'M MAKINGTOO MUCH OF THIS. I MEAN, THE TESTIS OBVIOUSLY INCORRECT, RIGHT? I MEAN,MALLORY MUST REALIZE THAT. SHE'S PROBABLY FORGOTTENABOUT THE WHOLE THING BY NOW. WHERE'D YOU GET THAT STUFF,MALLORY, BRAINS 'R' US? OH, ALEXANDER. YOUR, UH, QUASI-CLEVER REMARKSARE SIMPLY WASTED ON SOMEONEOF MY SMARTITUDE. MALLORY? I NEED YOUR ADVICE.I HAVE BOY TROUBLES. ADAM STILL WON'T CONVERSEWITH YOU? YEAH. LOOK, JENNIFER,MAYBE IF YOU ACTED MORE LIKE THE GIRLHE EXPECTS YOU TO BE, HE'D GET OVER IT SOONER. WELL, HOW DO I DO THAT? WELL, HERE. OH, NO. YOU DROPPED YOUR BOOK. THANK YOU. AW,DON'T MENTION IT. SEE, JENNIFER. THAT'S ALL YOU HAVE TO DOTO GET ADAM'S ATTENTION. UH... THE MALE SPECIES IS ENAMOREDBY THIS KIND OF BEHAVIOR. IT GIVES THEMAN EXAGGERATED SENSE OF THEIR OWN...IMPORTACITY. I'VE ALWAYS FELTTHAT WAY. JENNIFER,MALLORY IS TOTALLY WRONG. NOW, PERHAPS HER METHODSOF OBVIOUS MANIPULATION WOULD WORK ON SOMEBODYOF SKIPPY'S INTELLIGENCE. THANK YOU. BUT THEY WON'T WORKON ADAM. NOW, GUYS LIKE ADAMAND I -- "ADAM AND ME." ADAM AND ME... KNOW ALL ABOUT THESE SILLY GAMESTHAT WOMEN PLAY, AND WE JUST HUMOR THEMTO KEEP THEM HAPPY. NOW, MY ADVICE TO YOU IS JUST DON'T PLAY GAMESAND BE YOURSELF. JENNIFER,WHAT YOU HAVE HERE ARE A COUPLEOF CONFLICTING OPINIONS. AND I SUGGEST YOU TAKE THE ONEWHICH EMANATED FROM THE MORE INTELLIGENTINDIVIDUAL. OKAY, ALL RIGHT.THAT'S IT. THAT IS THE LAST STRAW,MALLORY. I CHALLENGE YOU TOAN I.Q.-TEST REMATCH TOMORROW AFTER SCHOOL,RIGHT HERE, 5:00. I ACCEPT. YOU KNOW,I COULD BEAT YOU WITH ONE BRAINTIED BEHIND MY BACK. YEAH, YOU AND WHAT ARMY? I WANT YOU, MALLORY. I WANT YOU! HI, ADAM. LONG TIME NO SPEAK. WHOOPS. YOU DROPPED YOUR BOOKS. THANKS. COME ON, ADAM.THIS IS RIDICULOUS. HOW COULD YOU DO THATTO ME, JENNIFER? EVERYONE IN THE SCHOOLTHINKS I NEED A GIRL TO DO MY FIGHTING FOR ME. LOOK, ADAM, I KNOWHOW YOU FEEL. BUT I WASN'T TRYINGTO MAKE YOU LOOK BAD. I JUST WANTED TO HELP YOU. I MEAN, JUST BECAUSEI'M A FIGHTER AND YOU'RE NOT DOESN'T MEANYOU SHOULD FEEL EMBARRASSED. I ADMIRE YOUFOR BEING ABOVE VIOLENCE. I WISH I WAS. HEY, GALARDNER. I SEE YOU GOT YOUR BODYGUARDWITH YOU. SHE'S NOT SO TOUGH NOW THATYOU'RE READY FOR HER, RICK. YOU SAID IT. DID I SAY YOU COULD GO ANYWHERE,GALARDNER? SEE, I DON'T LIKE WIMPSWHO HAVE THEIR GIRLFRIENDS DO THEIR FIGHTINGFOR THEM. I THINK YOU NEED SOMEBODYTO TEACH YOU A LESSON. YOU'RE NOT GONNA HIT ME. [ SCOFFS ]OH? AND WHY IS THAT? BECAUSE IF YOU HIT ME,YOU'LL GET IN TROUBLE WITH THE SCHOOL AND YOUR PARENTS. THAT'LL MAKE YOUREAL MAD, AND YOU'LL PROBABLYBEAT ME UP AGAIN AND GET SUSPENDED, MAYBE EVEN SENTTO REFORM SCHOOL. WHILE YOU'RE THERE, YOU'LLPROBABLY TRY TO ESCAPE. THEY'LL CATCH YOUAND PUT YOU AWAY FOR LIFE. YOU COULD THROW YOUR WHOLE LIFEAWAY WITH JUST ONE PUNCH. YOU COULD STILL HIT ME. BUT I DON'T THINKYOU WILL. YOU CREEP. YOU'D BETTERHOLD HER BACK. I'M READY FOR HER NOW,AND I'LL KILL HER. I'M NOT HOLDING HER BACKFOR YOU. I'M HOLDING HER BACK FOR ME. THIS IS MY FIGHT. OKAY WITH ME.LET'S GO. YOU'RE PRETTY TOUGH,AREN'T YOU, RICK? BEATING UP GIRLS AND KIDSTHAT ARE SMALLER THAN YOU. KICK ANY PUPPIESON YOUR WAY TO SCHOOL? A COUPLE. GO AHEAD.BEAT ME UP. AND IF THAT DOESN'T SATISFY YOU,YOU CAN BEAT ME UP TOMORROW AND THE NEXT DAYAND THE DAY AFTER THAT TILL YOU GET IT OUTOF YOUR STUPID SYSTEM. COME ON.THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT, ISN'T IT? AW, LEAVE HIM ALONE,RICK. Boy: COME ON,HE DOESN'T WANT TO FIGHT. YEAH. YEAH,HE'S NOT WORTH MY TIME. LET'S GO, BOYS. [ SIGHS ] [ SCHOOL BELL RINGS ] FINISHED. JUST A MINUTE.JUST A MINUTE. OKAY. THERE. WELL,ADD UP THE SCORES. WITH PLEASURE. OKAY, MALLORY, I ASSURE YOUTHIS WILL PROVE TO YOU, ONCE AND FOR ALL,WHO IS THE SMARTEST. SMARTER. I KNEW THAT. ME KNEW THAT. I KNEW THAT. OKAY. SO? 138 FOR ME. AND... A HUNDRED...AND... [ MUMBLES ] OH! I GOT 140! HEY, LOOK. WE TOOK THE TESTAGAIN, AND I DID BETTER AGAIN. WELL. THIS CAN'T BE POSSIBLE. MY WORLD IS CRUMBLING AROUND ME. IT'S NO BIG DEAL, ALEX. YOU CAN ADJUST. A PERSON OF, UH,YOUR INTELLIGENCE CAN STILL LEADA NORMAL LIFE. HE DOESN'T LOOK GOOD,ELYSE. LUCKY THING HE'S NOTSMART ENOUGH TO KNOW IT. MOM, DAD. I'M NOT... DUMB, AM I? YOU'RE -- [ SIGHS ] YOU'RE A NICE BOY, ALEX. [ INDISTINCT TALKING ON TV ] HI. OH.OH, CHEER UP, JENNIFER. WHAT'S THERETO CHEER UP ABOUT? I MEAN, ADAM'SSTILL NOT TALKING TO ME, WHICH MEANS WE'RE NOT GOING TO THE SIXTH-GRADE DANCETOGETHER. WELL, I'M SORRYABOUT THAT, HONEY, BUT EVEN SO,YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY FOR ADAM. HE STOOD UPTO THOSE BULLIES. WELL, I GUESS SO. OKAY, I'M NOT GONNAWORRY ABOUT IT ANYMORE. I'M PUTTING ADAM GALARDNEROUT OF MY MIND ONCE AND FOR ALL. [ DOORBELL RINGS ]IT'S ADAM. HI, ADAM. COME ON IN.HI. IT'S ADAM.IT'S ADAM. COME ON IN, ADAM. UH, MRS. KEATON AND I WEREJUST GOING UPSTAIRS TO, UH... INSTALL SOLAR PANELSON THE ROOF. THE -- THE --THE ROOF. RIGHT. RIGHT. UH, THEY DIDN'T WORK VERY WELLIN THE BASEMENT. UH... [ LAUGHS ]I JUST -- OH, MY, MY, MY. ADAM.JENNIFER. GO AHEAD.GO AHEAD. LOOK.LOOK. LISTEN,I NEVER GOT TO THANK YOU FOR STICKING UP FOR METHE OTHER DAY. I MEAN, I KNOW YOU ONLY DID ITBECAUSE... YOU DIDN'T WANT MY FACETO GET SMASHED IN. BUT YOU STUCK UP FOR METODAY, TOO. I MEAN,WEREN'T YOU SCARED? NAH. YEAH, A LOT, BUT I DIDN'T WANT YOUTO KNOW I WAS SCARED. WELL,I COULDN'T TELL. REALLY? REALLY. OKAY, I COULD TELL. BUT I DON'T CARE. I... I LIKE YOU, ADAM. EVEN IF I'M NOTA TOUGH GUY? THAT'S WHY I LIKE YOU. LOOK, IF WE'REGONNA BE FRIENDS, WE'VE GOT TO GET OVERTHIS BOY-GIRL THING. WE CAN'T GET HUNG UPON THIS OLD-FASHIONED IDEA OF WHAT A BOYIS SUPPOSED TO DO AND WHAT A GIRLIS SUPPOSED TO DO. I AGREE. GOOD. WELL... I GUESS I'LL SEE YOUTOMORROW. ADAM? AS -- AS LONG AS WE'RE SPEAKINGTO EACH OTHER, MAYBE WE SHOULD CELEBRATEBY GOING SOMEWHERE TOGETHER. YOU MEAN LIKE THE DANCE? THE DANCE --WHAT A NICE IDEA. THAT WAS SO NICE OF YOUTO ASK. YOU ALWAYS KNOWJUST WHAT TO SAY.