[ THEME SONG PLAYS ] * I BET WE'VE BEEN TOGETHERFOR A MILLION YEARS * * AND I'LL BET WE'LL BE TOGETHERFOR A MILLION MORE * * OH, IT'S LIKEI STARTED BREATHING * * ON THE NIGHT WE KISSED * AND I CAN'T REMEMBERWHAT I EVER DID BEFORE * * WHAT WOULD WE DO, BABY * WITHOUT US? * WHAT WOULD WE DO, BABY * WITHOUT US? * AND THEREAIN'T NO NOTHIN' * * WE CAN'T LOVEEACH OTHER THROUGH * * OOH-HOO * WHAT WOULD WE DO, BABY * WITHOUT US? * SHA-LA-LA-LA MALLORY,THAT IS TWO! BREAK ANOTHER, AND WE'REDOWN TO SERVICE FOR ONE. I DON'T KNOWWHAT'S WRONG WITH ME TONIGHT. I SEEM SO NERVOUS. WOULD THE FACT THATIT'S PARENTS NIGHT AT SCHOOL HAVE ANYTHINGTO DO WITH IT? IT'S PARENTS NIGHT?AT SCHOOL? ALREADY? YES, YES, IT IS,MALLORY. YOUR NIGHT OF NIGHTS. A CHANCE FOR YOUR PARENTSAND YOUR TEACHERS TO GET TOGETHER,REVIEW YOUR GRADES, AND HAVE A GOOD LAUGH. YOU'RE SO SMUG, ALEX. YOU JUST LOVE PARENTS NIGHT,DON'T YOU? OH, YOU BET. I PUT IT RIGHT UP THEREWITH CHRISTMAS EVE. HOW ARE YOU COMINGWITH THE DISHES? UM, THERE'SONE OR TWO LEFT. ALL RIGHT.WE SHOULD BE BACK BY 9:30. LOOK, I KNOW IT'S GONNA BEVERY HECTIC THERE TONIGHT, SO IF YOU HAVE TO SKIPSEEING MY ALGEBRA TEACHER, I'LL UNDERSTAND. IN FACT, AS OF YESTERDAY, MRS. STIGNEY --SHE TOOK A VOW OF SILENCE. WE'LL PASS NOTESTO EACH OTHER. WHAT ABOUT YOU, ALEX?ANYONE YOU WANT US TO AVOID? AU CONTRAIRE! YOU GOANYWHERE YOU WANT TO GO. I JUST HOPEYOU CAN CONTAIN YOUR JOY. OH, REMEMBER,MAKE SURE AND SEE MR. TEDESCO. YOU'VE REMINDED USEVERY HOUR. I DON'T MEAN TO BEA PEST ABOUT THIS, BUT IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT. HIS COUSIN IS ON THE FACULTYAT DARTMOUTH. IF HE WRITES ME A LETTEROF RECOMMENDATION, I'M IN. OKAY, ALEX. UH, S-SO YOU'LL SEE HIM?YOU'LL, UH, BUTTER HIM UP? CONSIDER HIM BUTTERED. OKAY, ELYSE,YOU GO TO ALEX'S CLASSES, AND I'LL GO TO MALLORY'S. [ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ] MR. TEDESCO. GOOD GUESS. WHO ARE YOU? ELYSE KEATON,ALEX'S MOTHER. ALEX KEATON --GOOD MAN. THANK YOU. YOU MUST BE VERY PROUD. ALEX IS THE BEST STUDENTIN THIS CLASS. OF COURSE,THAT'S NOT SAYING MUCH. HALF OF THEM THINK"THE HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME" WAS A FOOTBALL PLAYER. WELL, THIS ISONE OF HIS FAVORITE CLASSES. HE TALKS ABOUT YOUALL THE TIME. NO NEEDTO BUTTER ME UP. I WASN'T BUTTERING YOU UP.THAT WAS THE TRUTH. MY HUSBAND AND I WEREVERY ANXIOUS TO MEET YOU, BUT HE HAD TO GO TO MY DAUGHTERMALLORY'S ALGEBRA CLASS. MALLORY? I HAD A STUDENTNAMED MALLORY KEATON LAST YEAR. SHE'S THE ONE. REALLY? WHICH ONE OF YOUR CHILDRENIS ADOPTED? [ SCHOOL BELL RINGS ] [ CONVERSATIONS CONTINUE ] ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY.ATTENTION, PLEASE. I'M...RUBEN TEDESCO. YOUR CHILDREN CALL MEMR. TEDESCO. I THINK YOU SHOULD, TOO. [ LAUGHTER ] I TEACH EUROPEAN LITERATURE. IF YOU DON'T BELONGIN THIS CLASSROOM, DON'T WORRY. NEITHER DOMOST OF YOUR CHILDREN. I'D LIKE TO MAKE THISAN OPEN FORUM. I'LL ANSWER ANY INTELLIGENTQUESTIONS YOU MAY HAVE. WELL,I WAS WONDERING --I WANTED TO -- HANDS, PLEASE. YES, THE LADYIN THE FRONT ROW. MR. TEDESCO -- NOT YOU. THE ONE NEXT TO YOU,THE OLD BAG. WHY DO YOU GIVE OUTSO MUCH HOMEWORK? I SAID INTELLIGENT QUESTIONS.NEXT. YES. YOU. MY SON, HE SAYSYOU PICK ON HIM. YOU CALL HIM NAMES. WHO'S YOUR SON? LARRY MORGAN. LARRY THE LOSER? MADAM, YOUR SON ISAN INSIPID, PIMPLE-FACED LIAR! ANYONE ELSE? PLEASE IDENTIFY YOURSELF. I'M MRS. BINNEY. MY DAUGHTER MINDY SO ENJOYEDREADING "THE LITTLE PRINCE." IS THERE ANYTHING ELSEYOU'D RECOMMEND FOR HER? YES. I'D RECOMMENDSHE LOSE 40 POUNDS. YOU COULD LOSE 30 YOURSELF.NEXT. MY, MY.SUCH AN INQUISITIVE BUNCH. I HAVE SOMETHINGTO SAY. MR. TEDESCO, I-I THINKYOU OWE MRS. BINNEY AND EVERYONE ELSE IN HEREAN APOLOGY. All: YES! Y-YOU'VE BEEN TERRIBLY RUDEAND INSULTING TO US ALL. [ PARENTS AGREEING ] MRS. KEATON,IT'S CLEAR THAT YOUR SON DOES NOT GET HIS INTELLIGENCEFROM YOU. IF YOU FEELI'M BEING INSULTING, FINE. I WON'T INSULT ANYONEANYMORE. THIS LITTLE GET-TOGETHERIS OVER. I'M LEAVING. [ PARENTS TALKING ANGRILY ] SORRY. THE GAME IS OVER.LET ME THROUGH. DON'T PUSH ME! MOVE IT, GRANDMA. [ PARENTS GASP ] YOU CAN'T DO THAT! WHO'S GONNA STOP ME? ALL RIGHT. MALLORY, YOU HOLD THE PLATE,JENNIFER, YOU HOLD THAT PIECE, AND I'LL FIT THEMTOGETHER. OKAY, GREAT, GREAT. WE'VE JUST GOT TO HOLD ITLIKE THIS FOR TWO MINUTES, AND IT'LL LASTFOR 2,000 YEARS. HEY, IT SAYS SORIGHT ON THE BOTTLE. [ TELEPHONE RINGING ] WHAT SHOULD WE DO? [ RINGING CONTINUES ] ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.DON'T PANIC. DON'T PANIC. [ RINGING CONTINUES ] HELLO? YEAH, JUST A SECOND. IT'S FOR YOU --LINDA. OH, THANKS. [ Muffled ] UH, LINDA? I'M GONNA TAKE ITIN THE OTHER ROOM. SORRY ABOUT THAT. MOM, DAD. YOU'RE HOME EARLY.WHAT HAPPENED? I-IT'S A LONG STORY. YOU TALKED TO MRS. STIGNEY,DIDN'T YOU?! Y-YES,BUT THAT'S NOT -- OH, I KNEW IT. LISTEN, I PROMISEI'LL WORK HARDER FROM NOW ON. MALLORY, IT'S -- I'LL DO MY HOMEWORKEVERY NIGHT, I SWEAR. WELL, MAYBE NOT EVERY NIGHT,BUT EVERY OTHER NIGHT -- MALLORY! WE HAVE OTHER,MORE SERIOUS PROBLEMS RIGHT NOW. THANK GOD. HEY. MOM AND DAD.HOW'D IT GO? ALEX, MAYBEYOU'D BETTER SIT DOWN. I CAN'T SIT DOWN.I'M TOO EXCITED. LISTEN,DID YOU SEE MR. TEDESCO? DID YOU, UH,MAKE AN IMPRESSION ON HIM? VERY DEFINITELY. GREAT.TELL ME EVERY DETAIL. I DON'T KNOWEXACTLY HOW TO PUT THIS. I PUNCHED MR. TEDESCOIN THE MOUTH. WHAT DID YOU SAY? I PUNCHED HIM. UM...W-WHEN YOU SAY "PUNCHED," D-DO YOU MEAN AN AFFECTIONATELITTLE TAP, LIKE, UH, "WAY TO GO,MR. TEDESCO"? I DECKED HIM. WOW!WOW! ANY PARTICULAR REASON? HE SHOVEDAN ELDERLY LADY! THAT'S IT?! HOW OLD? ALEX, YOUR MR. TEDESCO ISA RUDE, CRASS, VILE HUMAN BEING! I COULD HAVETOLD YOU THAT! WHAT DID YOUHAVE TO HIT HIM FOR?! HE WAS BEING SO RUDEAND INSULTING THAT -- THAT HITTING HIM WASAN AUTOMATIC REFLEXIVE RESPONSE! I WAS SEIZEDBY AN UNCONTROLLABLE IMPULSE! CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND?! NO! IT WAS JUST... [ GRUNTS ] ...ONE OF THOSE THINGS. NOW, I-I-I'M SUREWE CAN ALL UNDERSTAND IT. COULD YOU EXPLAIN IT TO MEONE MORE TIME, ELYSE? MAYBE IF YOU SHOWED USHOW IT HAPPENED, MOM. ALEX,YOU BE MR. TEDES-- STEVEN,I'M SO ASHAMED OF MYSELF -- STRIKINGANOTHER HUMAN BEING. WELL, LOOK, ELYSE,I'M SURE THAT THIS CANALL BE CLEARED UP -- ...CLEARED UPVERY EASILY. NOW, WHY DON'T YOU JUSTCALL HIM UP AND APOLOGIZE? GOOD IDEA, GOOD IDEA.I'LL GET THE NUMBER. EVERYTHING ISGOING TO BE FINE. YOU JUST HAD A BAD NIGHT,THAT'S ALL. YEAH. CHAMP. THAT'S RIGHT, MOM. AND ANYWAYS,MR. TEDESCO'S BEEN ASKING FOR IT FOR A LONG TIME NOW. IT'S TIMESOMEBODY PUT HIM IN HIS PLACE. MALLORY, I DON'T WANT YOUTO INTERPRET THIS IN ANY WAY AS MEANINGTHAT I CONDONE VIOLENCE. I DON'T.IT WAS A FREAK OCCURRENCE. MMM. OKAY, MOM. HERE YOU GO. SAY ANYTHINGYOU HAVE TO SAY. BUT GET METHAT RECOMMENDATION. DON'T WORRY, ALEX. I THINKI KNOW HOW TO HANDLE THIS. HELLO. MR. TEDESCO? HI.THIS IS ELYSE KEATON. PLEASE, PLEASE!HEAR ME OUT! MR. TEDESCO, I-I FEEL TERRIBLYABOUT WHAT HAPPENED, AND -- AND I WANTTO APOLOGIZE. NOW, SEE HERE! WHAT?WHERE DO YOU LIVE? W-W-- UH, M-M-MR. TEDESCO? UH, YEAH,PAY NO ATTENTION TO HER. S-SHE'S BEEN ON MEDICATIONLATELY, AND... HELLO? HELLO? UH, MR. TEDESCO? WHAT IS IT? MAY I HAVEA WORD WITH YOU? YOU'VE ALREADY HAD SEVEN. I'M STEVEN KEATON,ALEX'S FATHER. HUH? ONE OFTHE DUELING KEATONS. NO, I-I DON'T -- DON'T COME ANY CLOSER. [ CHUCKLES ] MR. TEDESCO, I CAME TO APOLOGIZEFOR MY WIFE'S BEHAVIOR. SHE FEELS TERRIBLEABOUT THE WHOLE THING. SHE'S REALLY SORRY.WE BOTH ARE. I COULD SUE, YOU KNOW. LOOK, UH, LOOK,L-L-LET'S -- LET'S TRY TO GAIN SOME PERSPECTIVEON THE SITUATION HERE. UH, HAVEN'T YOU EVER DONESOMETHING WITHOUT THINKING -- SOMETHINGYOU REGRETTED LATER? YES. I SHOWED UPFOR PARENTS NIGHT. LOOK, LOOK,I KNOW YOU'RE UPSET, AND YOU HAVEEVERY RIGHT TO BE, BUT YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY A VERYINTELLIGENT, CIVILIZED PERSON WHO CAN RECOGNIZE THIS INCIDENTFOR WHAT IT IS. AN ABERRATION. AND, UH, I HOPEYOU'LL FORGIVE AND FORGET. FORTUNATELY, MR. KEATON, YOUR SON INHERITEDYOUR RATIONAL TEMPERAMENT. FOR HIS SAKE,I WILL ALLOW MYSELF TO BE APPEASEDBY YOUR WORDS. I AM NOTHINGIF NOT CIVILIZED. [ Laughing ] WELL... I CAN SEE THAT. YOUR WIFE, HOWEVER,IS AN AMAZON. PART IRISH, PART FRENCH.NO AMAZON. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN,KEATON. SHE'S PRIMAL! NOT FULLY EVOLVED. YOU MUST HAVE A TOUGH TIMEKEEPING HER IN LINE. TELL ME... DO WHIPSEVER ENTER THE PICTURE? I THINKI'LL BE GOING NOW. NO, I'M CURIOUS --WHAT'S IT LIKE TO LIVE WITH THAT KINDOF UNBRIDLED SHE-DEVIL? GOODBYE, MR. TEDESCO. NO, WAIT.JUST ONE MORE QUESTION. DOES SHE EVER, UH...? [ WHISPERS ] [ LAUGHS ]WHY, YOU -- [ ALEX HUMMING ] YOU'RE IN A GOOD MOOD,ALEX. HEY, WHY SHOULDN'T IBE IN A GOOD MOOD? RIGHT NOW, DAD AND MR. TEDESCOARE PROBABLY SHAKING HANDS. THEY'RE PROBABLY DECIDING WHETHER OR NOTTO GO OUT FOR A BEER. MY PROBLEMS ARE OVER. HEY, MOM, WANT TO GO FOR A FEW ROUNDS,JUST FOR OLD TIMES' SAKE? ALEX! FLOAT LIKE A BUTTERFLY,STING LIKE A BEE? ALEX,I'M GETTING ANGRY! WHOA! KIDS, SHE'S MAD!HIT THE DECK! AAH! WILL YOU STOP IT?! JUST GET THE TABLESET FOR DINNER. AH, COME ON, MOM. IT'S OVER NOW.WE CAN LAUGH ABOUT IT. CAN'T WE? SHE'S NOT LAUGHING,ALEX. OKAY, OKAY. WHAT'S THIS? IT'S A PLATE. IT USE TO BE A PLATE.NOW IT'S ART. THERE'S LOTS MORE ARTIN THE CUPBOARD, MOM. WELL, DAD,HOW'D IT GO? WILL HE WRITE METHE RECOMMENDATION? WELL, WE DIDN'T EXACTLYDISCUSS THE RECOMMENDATION. WELL,WHAT DID YOU TALK ABOUT? WELL, UM... FIRST,I INTRODUCED MYSELF. THEN, I-I TOLD HIMHOW SORRY WE WERE. I CONVINCED HIMTO FORGIVE AND FORGET. [ SIGHS ] THEN WE MADE A LITTLE BITOF SMALL TALK, IDLE CHATTER. THEN I PUNCHED HIMIN THE FACE. I'M SORRY, ALEX.THE MAN IS SLIME. ELYSE, IF YOU'D HEARDTHE THINGS HE'D SAID -- I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS! I CAN'T LET YOU TWOOUT OF THE HOUSE! ALEX, THAT MAN WOULD HAVEMADE A KILLER OUT OF GANDHI. THAT MAN HELD THE KEYTO MY FUTURE IN HIS HANDS. THAT -- THAT LETTEROF RECOMMENDATION W-WAS MY PASSPORTTO THE IVY LEAGUE, T-TO PENNY LOAFERS,RACCOON COATS... GIRLS NAMED MUFFY. ALEX, THERE'S ALWAYSTRADE SCHOOL. OHH! HOW DID ALL THISHAPPEN, ELYSE? FOR ALL THESE YEARS, WE'VE LIVEDBY THE DOCTRINE OF NON-VIOLENCE, OF SYMPATHY AND LOVETOWARDS OUR FELLOW MAN, PEACE AND HARMONY. THE MAN IS A RODENT. LISTEN, MY GEOGRAPHY TEACHERHAS BEEN WISING OFF LATELY. COULD ONE OF YOUROUGH HER UP A BIT? WE'VE GOT TOPUT A STOP TO THIS. STEVEN, I KNOWTHIS MAY SOUND CRAZY, BUT I THINKWE OUGHT TO INVITE MR. TEDESCO TO DINNERTOMORROW NIGHT. WHAT FOR?TO FINISH HIM OFF? I DON'T WANT THAT MANIN MY HOME, ELYSE. NEITHER DO I, STEVEN, BUT UNTIL WE CAN SIT DOWNIN PEACE WITH HIM, WE'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO SIT DOWNIN PEACE WITH OURSELVES. YOU'RE RIGHT. AND I THINK WE OWE IT TO ALEXTO SMOOTH THIS THING OVER. WELL...NOWYOU'RE TALKING SOME SENSE. IT'S SETTLED. WE'LL INVITE HIMFOR DINNER TOMORROW NIGHT. GIRLS, YOU GOT TOHELP ME OUT TONIGHT. WE GOT TO KEEP THINGSIN AN UP MOOD WHEN MR. TEDESCO COMES --HAPPINESS, GAIETY. LAUGH AND GIGGLEAS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. IN FACT,LET'S PRACTICE, OKAY? GO AHEAD -- LAUGH. HEH. THAT'S NOT BAD, NOT BAD, BUT TRY IT WITHA LITTLE MORE ENTHUSIASM. HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE.HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE. BETTER. OKAY, LOOK, UH... IF HE STARTS GETTING INTO ITWITH MOM AND DAD, TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE,OKAY? LIKE --LIKE THE WEATHER. [ HUMMING ] OKAY, ALEX, NOW,THE CHICKEN'S IN THE OVEN, AND THE TABLE IS SET. UH, CHICKEN? CHICKEN? IS THAT THE BESTYOU COULD DO, MOM? WHAT'S WRONGWITH CHICKEN? YOU DO NOT APPEASE A MANWITH POULTRY. BEEF!WE NEED BEEF! WE'RE HAVING CHICKEN,ALEX. OKAY, LOOK,I'VE GIVEN SOME THOUGHT A-AS TO WHAT YOU MIGHT SAYTO MR. TEDESCO. "NEVER HAS SO CRUEL AN ATTACKBEEN PERPETRATED ON SO INNOCENTA VICTIM." "WOULD THAT I COULD REVERSETHE HANDS OF TIME, I WOULD. I BEG YOUR FORGIVENESSWITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL"? ALEX, WE'RE NOTGONNA SAY THESE THINGS. WE HAD NO RIGHT TO HIT HIM.WE KNOW THAT. BUT WE'RE NOT GOING TOBEG HIS FORGIVENESS. BEGGING'S OUT? AFRAID SO. WE'RE NOT GONNA GROVEL,EITHER. NO GROVELING, EITHER? WHY ARE WEHAVING THE GUY OVER? [ DOORBELL RINGS ]I'LL GET IT. MR. TEDESCO. HELLO, ALEX. COME ON IN. PLEASE -- SIT DOWN. THANK YOU. HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE!HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE! I'M GLAD YOU COULD ACCEPTOUR INVITATION, MR. TEDESCO. WELL, OF COURSEHE ACCEPTED, MOM. HE'S A VERY FORGIVINGMAN. BEFORE YOUSITS A HUMAN BEING WHO THINKS AND ACTSON THE HIGHEST PLANE IMAGINABLE. I CAMEFOR THE FREE DINNER. [ LAUGHING ] [ CHUCKLING ] HEE HEE.HEE HEE. MR. TEDESCO, WHY DON'T WE STARTWITH A CLEAN SLATE HERE? NOW, WE'RE ALL REASONABLE,INTELLIGENT HUMAN BEINGS WHO HAVE JUST BEHAVED POORLYOVER THE PAST FEW DAYS. NOW, I KNOW MY HUSBAND AND IARE SORRY FOR HITTING YOU, AND I'M SURE THAT YOU'RE SORRYFOR SAYING THE THINGS YOU SAID. WHAT'S FOR DINNER? CHICKEN. BUT BEFORE WE EAT,I WAS HOPING THAT -- I HAD CHICKENFOR LUNCH. MOM, THERE'S GOT TO BESOMETHING ELSE IN THE FRIDGE. MAYBE WE CANGO OUT AND EAT. UH, NO, ALEX.WE ARE STAYING HERE. AND WE'RE EATING CHICKEN. I SAID I HAD CHICKENFOR LUNCH. UM... THEY SAYIT MIGHT RAIN. YEAH. RAIN'S GOOD. NOW, THAT'S THE MALLORY I REMEMBER. MR. TEDESCO -- STEVEN! I-I THINK I NEED SOME HELPIN THE KITCHEN... WITH THE CHICKEN. WE'LL HELP TOO, MOM. GOOD!IT'S A BIG CHICKEN. SORRY ABOUT THAT,MR. TEDESCO. IT'S ABOUTWHAT I EXPECTED. LOOK, UH...THERE'S NO POINT IN GOING ON WITH THIS CHARADEANY LONGER. YOU'RE NOT GONNA WRITETHAT LETTER OF RECOMMENDATION FOR ME, ARE YOU? UH...ARE YOU? YOU KNOW, KEATON... THIS IS ONE OF THOSE MOMENTSWHEN I PRIZE BEING A TEACHER -- WHEN I CANWATCH A STUDENT SQUIRM BECAUSE I HOLD HIS FATEIN MY HANDS. YOU LIKE THAT, HUH? I DO. I DO. THERE'S SOMETHING VERY APPEALINGABOUT...PLAYING GOD. THAT'S HOWWE THINK OF YOU. I LOVE HAVING POWER. AND IT'S INSPIRING TO SEETHAT YOU DON'T ABUSE IT. UH, LOOK... I REALLY NEEDTHAT RECOMMENDATION. I KNOW. OKAY, OKAY, OKAY! [ LAUGHS ] YOU'VE SUFFEREDLONG ENOUGH. YOU GOTTHE RECOMMENDATION. UH...I-I DO? YEAH -- WROTE ITTHE DAY YOU ASKED ME FOR IT. IT'S RIGHT HERE. I DON'T USUALLY SHOW LETTERSOF RECOMMENDATION TO STUDENTS, BUT THIS ONE'S EXCEPTIONALLYWELL-WRITTEN, AND... WELL... [ CHUCKLES ] HERE YOU GO. OHH! OH, MR. TEDESCO. OH, THIS IS BEAUTIFUL.THIS IS BEAUTIFUL. THANK YOU. I ADMIT THAT I THOUGHT ABOUTNOT GIVING YOU A RECOMMENDATION. THEN I REALIZEDTHAT WOULDN'T BE FAIR. IT WASN'T YOU THAT HIT ME. UH, NO, NO, NO,IT WASN'T. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT YOUR PARENTSARE THE WAY THEY ARE. YOU KNOW, IN FACT, CONSIDERINGWHAT YOUR PARENTS ARE LIKE, YOU'REA REMARKABLE FELLOW. YEAH. NOW, WHEN THEY CAMEINTO THE CLASSROOM, I REALIZED THAT EVOLUTIONSOMETIMES TAKES A DETOUR. WE'RE ALL DESCENDEDFROM APES, BUT NOT QUITE AS DIRECTLYAS YOU. MR. TEDESCO... SORRY ABOUTFLYING OFF THE HANDLE EARLIER. MY, UH, MY WIFE AND IWERE TALKING OUT THERE, AND WE REMINDED EACH OTHERWHAT THIS EVENING IS ALL ABOUT AND HOW MUCH IT MEANSTO THIS FAMILY. YES. WE'RE DEFROSTINGSOME STEAKS. SHOULD BE READYIN ABOUT 20 MINUTES. YUMMY. NO, MOM.NO STEAKS TONIGHT. TONIGHT... WE'RE HAVING CHICKEN. NO, ALEX, REMEMBER? MR. TEDESCOHAD CHICKEN FOR LUNCH. YEAH, WELL, I DON'T CAREWHAT MR. TEDESCO HAD FOR LUNCH, AND, UH, THIS IS WHAT I THINKOF HIS RECOMMENDATION. ALEX,WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! I'M KEEPINGMY SELF-RESPECT. I OVERRATED YOU, ALEX. I THOUGHT YOU WERE BETTERTHAN YOUR PARENTS. I WAS WRONG. LOOK, MR. TEDESCO, I-I DON'T FEEL LIKEI'M BETTER THAN MY PARENTS. AS A MATTER OF FACT, IF I GROW UP TO BEAS GOOD AS THEY ARE, I'LL BE VERY PROUD. HOW CONVENTIONALLY SWEET. OOH. I THINKWE'D ALL APPRECIATE IT IF YOU LEFT OUR HOUSE NOW,MR. TEDESCO. MY PLEASURE. WHOA. NICE GOING,ALEX. YOU SHOULD'VEPUNCHED HIM. NO,HE SHOULDN'T HAVE. I THINK YOU HANDLEDTHE SITUATION JUST RIGHT. LOOK, I KNOWIT WASN'T EASY FOR YOU GUYS TO INVITE HIM OVER HEREFOR DINNER TONIGHT, AND I KNOWYOU DID IT FOR ME. THANK YOU. THE EVENING DIDN'T END UPTHE WAY WE THOUGHT IT WOULD, BUT AT LEASTNOBODY GOT HIT. ALEX,YOU'RE HARD TO FIGURE. RIGHT WHEN I THINK I KNOW YOU,YOU GO AND DO SOMETHING NICE. [ KNOCK ON DOOR ] ALL RIGHT.I'LL HAVE THE CHICKEN.