[ THEME SONG PLAYS ] * I BET WE'VE BEEN TOGETHERFOR A MILLION YEARS * * AND I'LL BET WE'LL BE TOGETHERFOR A MILLION MORE * * OH, IT'S LIKEI STARTED BREATHING * * ON THE NIGHT WE KISSED * AND I CAN'T REMEMBERWHAT I EVER DID BEFORE * * WHAT WOULD WE DO, BABY * WITHOUT US? * WHAT WOULD WE DO, BABY * WITHOUT US? * AND THEREAIN'T NO NOTHIN' * * WE CAN'T LOVEEACH OTHER THROUGH * * OOH-HOO * WHAT WOULD WE DO, BABY * WITHOUT US? * SHA-LA-LA-LA WELL,THAT WAS INTERESTING. THE LELAND ART COUNCILPRESENTS AN EVENING OF MIME. I PREFERAN EVENING OF DENTISTRY. LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT, YOU DIDN ENJOY IT. WELL, ELLEN,I-I-I GOT TO ADMIT, FOR THE FIRST COUPLE OF MINUTESIT WAS PRETTY INTERESTING WATCHING A GUY IN WHITEFACEWALKING AROUND GOING LIKE THIS. AFTER 10 MINUTES, YOU WANT TOSTART SLAPPING PEOPLE AROUND. ALEX, IF YOU JUSTGIVE IT A CHANCE, MIME CAN REALLY BEEXCITING. I DID GIVE IT A CHANCE. YOU KEPT GETTING UP AND YELLING,"LOUDER, LOUDER!" LOOK, ELLEN, I'D, UH --I'D LIKE TO SIT AROUND HERE AND ARGUE WITH YOUABOUT THIS, BUT I GOT SOMETHINGMORE IMPORTANT TO DO. WHAT? GIVE YOU THIS. SIX-MONTH ANNIVERSARY. ALEX. IT'S BEAUTIFUL. A POCKET CALCULATOR. YOU -- YOU DON'TALREADY HAVE ONE? NOT WITH A SLIDE RULE. OH, LOOK.THEY'RE AT IT AGAIN. HEY, HEY, COME ON,GIVE US A BREAK. IT'S A -- IT'S A SPECIALOCCASION TONIGHT. IT'S OURSIX-MONTH ANNIVERSARY. I-I JUST GAVE ELLENA PRESENT. WHEN DOES IT MATURE? IT'S A POCKET CALCULATORWITH A SLIDE RULE. SOUNDS LIKE LOVE TO ME,ELLEN. JOKE IF YOU WILL, OKAY, BUT THESE HAVE BEEN THE SIX BESTCONSECUTIVE MONTHS OF MY LIFE. ME TOO. I LIKED HIM, TOO, FOR THE FIRSTSIX MONTHS I KNEW HIM. [ Laughing ]THEN WHAT HAPPENED? WELL, LET'S JUST SAYTHERE'S BEEN A LOT OF WATER UNDER THE BRIDGESINCE THEN. I COULD TELL YOUSOME STORIES. COME ON, NOW.ELLEN LIKES ALEX. WHAT HAPPENED IN THE PASTISN'T IMPORTANT. I WAS JUST GONNA TELL ELLENABOUT THE TIME ALEX SECRETLY INVESTED DAD'S MONEYIN THE STOCK MARKET. OH, ELLEN,YOU GOT TO HEAR THIS. COME ON, COME ON. ELLEN DOESN'T WANTTO SIT AROUND HERE AND LISTEN TO A BUNCH OF BORINGOLD STORIES, DO YOU, ELLEN? YOU INVESTED YOUR FATHER'S MONEYIN THE STOCK MARKET WITHOUT TELLING HIM? ALEX WAS TAKINGA HIGH-SCHOOL COURSE ALL ABOUTTHE STOCK MARKET. HE FOUND A STOCKHE REALLY LIKED, AND HE ASKED ME TO INVEST IN IT,AND I SAID, "NO." I HATE NOSTALGIA. SO ALEX CALLED UPPRETENDING TO BE MY DAD AND INVESTEDIN THE ACCOUNT. AT FIRST, THE STOCKWAS DOING GREAT. THEN ALEX WENT OVERTO THE BROKERAGE HOUSE TO SEE HOW MUCH MONEYHE WAS MAKING. Alex: MOM AND DAD WEREON THEIR WAY DOWN AND I WAS GONNA SURPRISE THEMWITH ALL THE MONEY I'D MADE BY INVESTING EVERYTHINGIN V.I.P. INDUSTRIES. OH, HI, ALEX. I'LL BE WITH YOUIN JUST A SECOND. I'M HAVING SOME TROUBLEWITH THE COMPUTER HERE. KEEPS JAMMING.CIRCUITS MUST BE DOWN. I DON'T KNOW. OH,HAVE YOU TRIED THIS? SEE, SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TOCLEAR IT DURING THIS PHASE, OR IT'S A REAL PAIN. I KNEW THAT. OH, LOOK AT THAT --TRANS ALLOID UP A POINT. AND PETRAMCO UP 2 1/2!THAT'S TERRIFIC! [ Chuckling ]YEAH. THAT'S TERRIFIC. WELL, YOU'RE AS HOTAS A PISTOL, ALEX. YOU GOT THE MIDAS TOUCH,BUDDY BOY. WELL, I'M GLADI TALKED MY DAD INTO INVESTING. OH, AND THAT SETBACKWITH V.I.P., WHILE REGRETTABLE,IS CERTAINLY UNDERSTANDABLE. EXCUSE ME. WHAT SETBACK WITH V.I.P.? UH, MR. MATTHEWS, W-WHAT WAS THAT YOU JUST SAIDABOUT V.I.P.? WELL, THERE WAS A TYPHOONIN MANILA LAST NIGHT. MILLIONS IN DAMAGE.THE STOCK DROPPED 28 POINTS. EXCUSE ME, ALEX. UH, ARE YOU SURE? ABOUT WHAT? ABOUT THE TYPHOON! THE STOCKS!ARE YOU SURE? OF COURSE I'M SURE.I'M SURPRISED YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT IT. WHAT AM I,A WEATHERMAN?! I'VE BEEN IN SCHOOL ALL DAY!I'M A KID! THAT'S RIGHT.I FORGET SOMETIMES. ALEX, TAKE IT EASY.SO IT'S DROPPED 28 POINTS. HE BOUGHT IT AT 29. LOOK, ALL HE HAS TO DOIS MEET THE MARGIN CALL BY CLOSING TOMORROW. HOW MUCH -- HOW MUCH --HOW MUCH IS THE MARGIN CALL? $2,700.THAT'S NO BIG DEAL. [ MOANING ] Mr. Matthews:UH, EXCUSE ME, ALEX. I'VE GOT SOME CUSTOMERSTO TAKE CARE OF. HI. Elyse: AAH! THAT'S NOT GOODFOR BUSINESS, ALEX. LOOK, MR. MATTHEWS, THOSE, UH, PEOPLE OUT THEREARE MY PARENTS. M-MY DAD DOESN'T KNOWABOUT THE TYPHOON OR THE MARGIN CALL. LOOK, ALEX, THE WAYYOUR DAD PLAYS THE MARKET, HE UNDERSTANDSTHAT A $2,700 MARGIN CALL ISN'T THE ENDOF THE WORLD. YEAH, WELL, UH, L-L-LET ME JUST TELL THEMIN MY OWN WAY, OKAY? YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND --HE TAKES THESE THINGS VERY HARD! WHEN HE WAS A BOY... A TYPHOONWIPED OUT HIS VILLAGE. OKAY, ALEX. IF HE'S GONNA TAKE THE NEWSANYWHERE CLOSE TO THE WAY YOU'RE TAKING IT,MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT. [ PAPERS SLIDE ] YOU FOUND IT. [ Laughing ] GREAT. COME ON IN. ALEX,WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? UH, HERE? HERE, THIS --THIS IS A BROKERAGE HOUSE. THEY BUY. THEY SELL. ALEX, YOU JUSTSLAMMED THE DOOR ON US. YEAH, WELL,I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO COME IN UNTIL EVERYTHINGWAS JUST RIGHT. CLEAN UP THAT DESK,WILL YOU? W-WHY DID YOU WANT USTO COME DOWN HERE? WHAT WAS ALL THIS TALK [Chuckling]ABOUT AN ANNIVERSARY PRESENT? YEAH, WELL, I JUST THOUGHTTHIS WOULD BE THE BEST PLACE TO GIVE IT TO YOU. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY,MOM, DAD. I LOVE YOU. AND IF THAT WEREN'TBAD ENOUGH -- [ ANDY CRYING ] SAVED BY THE YELL. THANKS, PAL!I OWE YOU ONE! I'LL GET HIM. OH, THANKS, JEN. WELL, I GUESS THAT ENDS THATLITTLE STORYTELLING SESSION. MAYBE WE CAN TRADESOME MORE LIES, SLANDERS, AND HALF-TRUTHS NEXT WEEK. IT WASN'T SO MUCH THE MONEY THAT UPSET ME, ALEX. IT WAS THAT YOU HAD ACTEDSO IRRESPONSIBLY -- THAT I COULDN'T TRUST YOUIN THAT TYPE OF SITUATION. LOOK, DAD,I'M -- I'M OLDER NOW. I'M MUCH MORERESPONSIBLE. ALEX, YOU'REAN INTELLIGENT, AMBITIOUS, WELL-DRESSED YOUNG MAN. BUT WHEN IT COMESTO MAKING DIFFICULT, BUSINESS-RELATED DECISIONS,YOU'RE NOT INFALLIBLE. REMEMBERTHE HOUSEKEEPER INCIDENT? [ CHUCKLES ] THERE ARE TWO SIDESTO EVERY STORY. WHAT HOUSEKEEPER? WELL, I WAS PREGNANTAT THE TIME, AND WE NEEDED SOMEONETO HELP US CLEAN HOUSE. I WAS KNOCKED OUTFROM INTERVIEWING DIFFERENT HOUSEKEEPERSFOR THE JOB, SO I TOLD ALEX TO SCREENTHE REST OF THE APPLICANTS AND LET ME KNOWIF ANYONE GOOD CAME BY. TWO SIDES. [ CHUCKLES ] HELLO.I'M KAREN NICHOLSON. I'VE COME TO APPLYFOR THE HOUSEKEEPING POSITION. YOU HAVE? YES. UH, COME IN, COME IN. UH, HERE. OH. THANK YOU. WON'T YOU PLEASESIT DOWN? OKAY. I, UH, HAVE A FEW QUESTIONS HEREI MUST ASK YOU. UH... UH, DO YOU HAVEANY REFERENCES? NO. UH, DO YOU, UH, HAVE ANYEXPERIENCE A-AS A HOUSEKEEPER? NO. OKAY.UH, CAN YOU COOK? UH, COOK? NO. SO, YOU, UH,YOU HAVE NO EXPERIENCE, NO REFERENCES,A-AND YOU CAN'T COOK. THAT'S RIGHT. [ SIGHS ] YOU'RE HIRED. BOY, YOU REALLY RUNA TOUGH INTERVIEW, ALEX. HEY, HEY,KAREN WAS ALL RIGHT. SHE WAS STARTINGTO COME ALONG, TOO. WE JUST DIDN'T GIVE HERENOUGH TIME. ALEX, IF WE'D GIVEN HERANY MORE TIME, THIS HOUSEWOULDN'T BE STANDING. HEY, HEY,CAN I FIX YOU A COLD DRINK? UH, THE ICE MAKER'SNOT WORKING, ALEX. KAREN BROKE IT A WEEK AGO.NO, NO, NO, NO. SHE TOLD ME THATSHE TOOK CARE OF IT TODAY. I'LL GET IT MYSELF, ALEX.THANKS. SO, UH, HOW WAS YOUR DAYAT SCHOOL, ALEX? REAL GOOD.REAL GOOD, DAD. NO, NO,I-I MEAN SPECIFICALLY THAT, UH --THAT ENGLISH CLASS. YOU, UH, YOU SAID YOU WEREHAVING A LITTLE TROUBLE WITH IT. DOING GREAT, DAD.I'M DOING GREAT. HERE, UH, HANG ON A SEC. TAKE A LOOK AT THAT. [ ELECTRICITY CRACKLES ] SO, UH -- SO HOW ARETHE REST OF YOUR CLASSES? GOOD, DAD. GOOD. I AM, UH, REALLY GLADI CHOSE LELAND. YOU KNOW,AND THE ECONOMICS DEPARTMENT IS EVERYTHINGI HOPED IT WOULD BE. [ SIGHS ] WHO ARE WE KIDDING, ALEX? SHE'S NOT WORKING OUT. SHE'S TOTALLY INCOMPETENT. SHE HAS GOT TO GO. DAD, WILL YOU QUITBEING SUCH A PERFECTIONIST? ALEX, ALEX! ALEX, LOOK AROUND YOU. I'M AFRAID TO, DAD. ALEX, THIS WOMAN CANNOT DOONE THING WE NEED HER TO DO. OKAY, WELL, DAD,LET'S KEEP THINKING UNTIL WE THINK OF SOMETHINGTHAT SHE CAN DO. WH-- WE HAVE TOFIRE HER, ALEX, FOR OUR OWN SAFETY. LOOK... LOOK... IF THIS HAD BEENA POP TART... ...WE'D BE DEAD NOW. I MISS KAREN. SHE MAY NOT HAVEBEEN A GOOD HOUSEKEEPER, BUT SHE SURE WAS FUNTO HAVE AROUND. LOOK, I TOOK CONTROLOF A SITUATION, AND IT DIDN'T WORK OUT. IT'S HAPPENED ONCE IN MY LIFE. OH, YEAH, ALEX? WHAT ABOUTTHE QUIZ-OFF? OKAY,MAYBE TWICE. [ Laughing ]WHAT WAS THIS QUIZ-OFF? WELL,A COUPLE YEARS AGO, ALEX WAS THE LEADER OFTHE HARDING HIGH QUIZ-OFF TEAM. THERE WAS GONNA BEA BIG MATCH HELD LIVE AT MY DAD'SPBS STATION. ALEX NEEDED TO FILLONE MORE SPOT ON THE TEAM, AND HE PICKED ME. MISTAKE OF MY LIFE. WELL, HE MADE MY LIFE MISERABLETRYING TO TEACH ME EVERYTHING IN A COUPLE OF DAYS. LET'S TURNTO THE NEXT QUESTION. ALEX, WE'VE BEEN DOING THISFOR HOURS. I'M GETTING TIRED! SHE NEEDS HER REST. JENNIFER, I DON'T THINKYOU FULLY APPRECIATE WHAT AN ENORMOUS TASKI'VE UNDERTAKEN HERE. I'M TAKINGA SIMPLE PEASANT GIRL WHOSE GREATEST PRIORACHIEVEMENT WAS COORDINATING HER EYE SHADOWWITH HER SWEATER, AND I'M TURNING HERINTO SOMEONE... SOMEONE WHO COULD HAVEA CONVERSATION WITH ME. YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TOGIVE HER MORE INCENTIVETHAN THAT, ALEX. ALEX, LET'S JUSTGET THIS OVER WITH. YOU'RE GETTING A LITTLETOO POMPOUS EVEN FOR YOU. OKAY. NOW, WE WENT OVERTHIS ONE YESTERDAY. IT'S A GEOGRAPHY QUESTION. AT THE SOUTHERN TIP OF CHILELIES A BODY OF WATER NAMED FORA FAMOUS EXPLORER. NAME THIS BODY OF WATER. UH,A BODY OF WATER, RIGHT? NAMED FORTHE FAMOUS EXPLORER. COME ON, NOW. SOUTHERN TIP OF CHILE? THE HUDSON RIVER. AW! THAT'S NOT RIGHT? NO, IT'S THESTRAITS OF MAGELLAN! OH! YOU GUYS ARE STILL AT IT?IT'S SO LATE. I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE. WE NEED YOUR HELPWITH ANOTHER DRY RUN. WE'VE HAD FIVE DRY RUNSIN THE LAST TWO DAYS, ALEX. JUST ONE MORE. WE'RE ATA TURNING POINT HERE. MALLORY ACTUALLY NAMEDALL THE CABINET MEMBERS. THAT WAS ME, ALEX. ALEX, I'M TIRED. JUST A COUPLE MOREQUESTIONS. NOW... WHAT DO THE LETTERS IN THE ACRONYM "SCUBA"STAND FOR? WELL, IT'S KIND OF LIKESKIN-DIVING, ISN'T IT? YES. YES, IT IS. NOW, WHAT DOTHE LETTERS STAND FOR? WE'VE GONE OVER THISBEFORE. SELF-CONTAINED UNDERWATERBREATHING APPARATUS. WHAT DID YOU SAY? SELF-CONTAINED UNDERWATERBREATHING APPARATUS. AGAIN? SELF-CONTAINED UNDERWATERBREATHING APPARATUS! BY GEORGE, SHE'S GOT IT! All: SELF-CONTAINED UNDERWATERBREATHING APPARATUS! AND WHO INVENTED IT? MAGELLAN! Mallory:EVERYTHING WAS GOING OKAY. WE GOT TO THE STUDIO. WE WERE ALL PREPARED. THEN THE QUESTIONS STARTED. THERE'S A BODY OF WATERAT THE TIP OF SOUTHERN CHILE THAT'S NAMEDFOR THE FIRST MAN TO CIRCUMNAVIGATETHE GLOBE. WHAT IS THIS BODY OF WATER?[ BUZZER ] ALEX KEATON, HARDING HIGH. THE BODY --TO -- TO THE CAMERA. RIGHT. TO THE CAMERA. THE BODY OF WATER... FIVE SECONDS, HARDING. THE STRAITS OF MA-A-A-- MA-A-A-- UH, MA-A-A-- UH, ANYONE ELSEON THE HARDING TEAM? [ BUZZER ]MALLORY KEATON. STRAITS OFMASSACHUSETTS. NO, NO, I'M SORRY. THE CORRECT ANSWERWAS THE STRAITS OF MAGELLAN. STRAITS OF MASSACHUSETTSIS INCORRECT. [ BELL RINGS ] WAIT A MINUTE, WHAT'S --THE JUDGES SAY "CLOSE ENOUGH." WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. I, UH,SORRY, WAIT A MINUTE, THAT'S -- THAT'S THE WRONG ANSWER. BUT -- BUT AS I SAID BEFORE, THE DECISIONOF THE JUDGES IS FINAL. UH, HARDING WILL GET CREDITFOR THAT ANSWER. THE SCORE IS TIED 5-ALL. THANKS TO ME,WE ALMOST WON. I THINK IT'S CUTEYOU HAD STAGE FRIGHT, ALEX. NO, I DON'T ACCEPT THAT,ELLEN. I STILL THINKONE OF THE TEACHERS FROM THE OPPOSING TEAMDRUGGED ME. ALEX, THE OTHER TEAM'S TEACHERSWERE ALL NUNS. THAT'S WHAT THEY WANTED YOU TO THINK, DAD. YOU KNOW, I AM NOT THE ONLYMEMBER OF THIS FAMILY WHO'S MADETHE OCCASIONAL BLUNDER. OCCASIONAL? HA. MALLORY,YOU MADE YOUR SHARE. LIKE WHAT? PRINCETON. [ GROANS ] WAIT TILL YOU HEAR THIS,ELLEN. I WENT DOWN TO PRINCETONFOR AN INTERVIEW, AND MALLORYWANTED TO COME WITH ME, 'CAUSE HER -- HER BOYFRIENDWAS A FRESHMAN THERE, AND SHE WANTEDTO SURPRISE HIM. YEAH, WELL, IT WORKED. WHEN SHE WALKED INTO HIS ROOM,HE WAS KISSING ANOTHER GIRL. AND WHILE THIS WAS GOING ON,I WAS DOWN AT THE DEAN'S OFFICE, READY TO KNOCK HIS SOCKS OFFIN MY INTERVIEW. ANYWAY, HE ASKED ME TO WAITIN ANOTHER ROOM, AND THEN WHENI STEPPED INSIDE... WHOA. YES, DEAN MEMMINGER,I, UH -- I CERTAINLY DO WANTTO ATTEND PRINCETON. I HAVE ALWAYS HAD A CERTAIN,OH, SHALL WE SAY, LUST -- NO, NOT LUST. AN ADMIRATIONFOR THE IVY LEAGUE. [ SOBBING ] A-A-ALEX. M-M-MALLORY,WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? UM, UM, I SAW JEFF,AND -- YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.WHAT ABOUT JEFF? UM, I SAW JEFF AND -- AND -- AND THE DESK,UH, UH, KISSING. JEFF WAS KISSINGTHE DESK? NO, HE -- HE WAS LEANINGAGAINST THE DESK. HE WAS, UM -- HE WAS --HE WAS KISSING, UM... A GIRL. OH, BOY. I WANT TO GO HOME. LET'S GO HOME,OKAY, ALEX? MALLORY... ARE YOU CRAZY?I GOT MY INTERVIEW NOW! MALLORY, I'VE GOTTO TALK TO YOU.[ GROANS ] GO AWAY, JEFF.I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU. LET ME EXPLAIN! MALLORY,LET HIM EXPLAIN. JEFF, WHY DON'T YOUTAKE HER OUT FOR DINNER? HERE'S A COUPLE OF BUCKS. MALLORY, I HAD EVERY INTENTIONOF TELLING YOU ABOUT SANDY. "SANDY"!DID YOU HEAR THAT, ALEX? HER NAME'S SANDY. GREAT. HERE'S SOME MORE MONEY.TAKE SANDY WITH YOU. I'M SORRY YOU HADTO FIND OUT LIKE THIS. BUT DON'T FORGET, WE DIDAGREE TO SEE OTHER PEOPLE. SAY, THAT'S RIGHT. WELL,I GUESS THIS IS SETTLED, HUH? JUST GO AWAY,OKAY, JEFF? 'CAUSE I DON'T WANTTO TALK ABOUT IT ANYMORE. MALLORY! JEFF.ALEX! [ CLEARS THROAT ] HAS THERE BEEN A COUP? WELL [CHUCKLES]HELLO, DEAN MEMMINGER. I WAS JUST, UH... WISHING ALEXGOOD LUCK. I THINK YOU'LLREALLY LIKE HIM. HE'S A SWELL KID. WELL, THAT'SGOOD ENOUGH FOR ME. CONGRATULATIONS. WELCOME TO PRINCETON. WE'LL TALK LATER,MALLORY? WELL, SO LONG. AND WHO IS THIS? [ NOSE BLOWS ] HI. UH, SHE WAS JUST LEAVING. [ SOBS ] UM, I WANT TO GO HOMERIGHT NOW, OKAY, ALEX? MALLORY,PLEASE BE REASONABLE, OKAY? JUST WAIT OUTSIDE. I'LL BEDONE HERE IN A FEW MINUTES. OKAY.I'LL WAIT OUT HERE. GOOD. AND, UH, TRYAND KEEP YOUR MIND OFF JEFF. [ WAILING ] OKAY, I'M READY. ARE YOU SURE? YES, SIR. THIS INTERVIEW HAS NOT GOT OFFTO A GOOD START, MR. KEATON. IF THERE'SANY FURTHER INTERRUPTIONS, I MAY HAVE TOHOLD IT AGAINST YOU. YES, SIR, I-I'D DO THE SAMETHING IF I WERE IN YOUR SHOES. BY THE WAY, DID I TELL YOUHOW MUCH I LIKE YOUR SHOES? SIT DOWN, MR. KEATON,PLEASE. YES, SIR. I MUST SAY I'M VERY IMPRESSEDWITH YOUR APPLICATION, VERY IMPRESSED INDEED. I CAN ALWAYS SPOT SINCERITYAND COMMITMENT IN AN APPLICATION. WELL, THANK YOU, SIR. I TRIED TO THROW A LOT OF BOTHIN THERE. UH, DEAN MEMMINGER,AS YOU COULD PROBABLY TELL, I REGARD PRINCETONAS PERHAPS THE FINEST -- [ MALLORY SOBBING ] ED-- E-EDUCATIONAL IN-- [ MALLORY WAILING ] UM, E-EVER SINCEI-I WAS A YOUNG LAD OF ABOUT, OH, I DON'T KNOW,6 OR 8 MONTHS OF AGE -- [ TELEPHONE RINGS ] EXCUSE ME. HELLO? IT'S FOR YOU. THANK YOU. HELLO. M-MALLORY,WOULD YOU PLEASE... LOOK... LOOK, I KNOW YOU WANT TO GO HOMERIGHT NOW, BUT I CAN'T. NO, M-M-MALLORY, MALLORY,DON'T LEAVE WITHOUT ME. NO, NO.DON'T LEAVE THE BUILDING. I REPEAT --DO NOT LEAVE THE BUILDING! DO YOU THINKSHE'LL CALL AGAIN? NO, NO.THAT'S -- THAT'S IT. FINE, THEN WE CAN GET ONWITH THIS INTERVIEW. [ CLEARS THROAT ]PLEASE. ALL RIGHT, MR. KEATON, COULD YOU TELL ME WHAT UNIQUEQUALITIES YOU POSSESS WHICH MIGHT ENRICHTHE PRINCETON COMMUNITY? WELL, SIR,I'M GLAD YOU ASKED THAT. HOW MUCH TIME HAVE YOU GOT? [ LAUGHS NERVOUSLY ] [ COUGHS ] WELL, SIR, AT THE -- AT THE RISKOF SOUNDING IMMODEST, YOU SEE BEFORE YOU A YOUNG MANWITHOUT A FLAW. UNLESS, OF COURSE,YOU FIND ME IMMODEST, IN WHICH CASE,I HAVE ONE FLAW. I SEE THATYOU'RE VERY INVOLVED IN EXTRACURRICULARACTIVITIES. OH, YES, SIR. YES, SIR.YOU SEE CORRECTLY. AS A MATTER OF FACT,IF I MAY SPEAK "EXTRACURRECURILY"FOR A MOMENT... IF YOU CAN, PLEASE DO. WELL, SIR, I, UH -- [ MALLORY SOBBING ] SHE'S LEAVING. WHAT? JUST A SECOND. MALLORY, COME BACK HERE,WILL YOU?! WHAT IS GOING ON HERE? UH, DEAN MEMMINGER,IS THERE ANY POSSIBILITY OF RESCHEDULINGTHIS INTERVIEW? MAYBE LATER TODAYOR TOMORROW. THERE'LL BE NO RESCHEDULINGOF THIS INTERVIEW. WELL, I'M, UH --I'M SORRY TO HEAR THAT, SIR, BECAUSE I REALLYHAVE TO GO. WHAT? LOOK, THAT'S MY SISTEROUT THERE. SHE CAME UP TO PRINCETON WITH METO SURPRISE HER BOYFRIEND, AND SHE SAW HIMWITH ANOTHER GIRL. SHE'S VERY UPSET, AND I SHOULD PROBABLYGO TALK TO HER BECAUSE I AM HER BROTHER. SO...I GOT TO GO. SIR, I HOPE MY RECORDCAN STAND ON ITS OWN, BECAUSE I REALLY DO WANTTO ATTEND PRINCETON. I LOVE THIS PLACE. I LOVE EVERYTHINGABOUT IT. I HAVE IVY GROWINGON MY BEDROOM WALLS. GO, TIGERS!BEAT YALE! I MEAN THAT.