LAST WEEK ON "FAMILY TIES"...
I THINK SOMETHING'S GOING ON
THAT NED'S NOT TELLING US.
HE'S BEEN SO EVASIVE ABOUT WHY HE'S IN TOWN NOW.
I'M THROUGH WITH THE BUSINESS WORLD. FINISHED.
YOU CAN'T DO THAT, UNCLE NED!
YOU'VE GOT ONE OF THE BEST YOUNG BUSINESS MINDS
SINCE...HENRY FORD.
ARE YOU IN SOME PHYSICAL DANGER?
ONLY IF THEY CATCH ME.
HEY, MOM AND DAD, A CAR JUST PULLED UP IN THE DRIVEWAY.
YEAH, IT'S GOT U.S. GOVERNMENT LICENSE PLATES.
WHAT DID UNCLE NED DO?
UNCLE NED STOLE $4.5 MILLION.
WHOA!
DO YOU FOLKS KNOW WHERE WE MIGHT FIND HIM?
NO, WE DON'T.
[ THEME SONG PLAYS ]
* I BET WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER FOR A MILLION YEARS *
* AND I'LL BET WE'LL BE TOGETHER FOR A MILLION MORE *
* OH, IT'S LIKE I STARTED BREATHING *
* ON THE NIGHT WE KISSED
* AND I CAN'T REMEMBER WHAT I EVER DID BEFORE *
* WHAT WOULD WE DO, BABY
* WITHOUT US?
* WHAT WOULD WE DO, BABY
* WITHOUT US?
* AND THERE AIN'T NO NOTHIN' *
* WE CAN'T LOVE EACH OTHER THROUGH *
* OOH-HOO
* WHAT WOULD WE DO, BABY
* WITHOUT US?
* SHA-LA-LA-LA
I CAN'T BELIEVE I LIED TO THE FBI.
I'M AFRAID WE CAN ALL SAY THE SAME THING.
NOT ME. I HAD MY FINGERS CROSSED.
I'M SURE THE COURT WILL TAKE THAT INTO CONSIDERATION.
LOOK, LET'S TRY AND EXAMINE THIS LOGICALLY.
IF UNCLE NED IS INNOCENT,
THEN WE REALLY DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG
BY LYING TO THE FBI.
IF HE'S GUILTY, THEN WE'RE HARBORING A CRIMINAL,
AND WE'LL ALL GO TO JAIL.
LET ME START AGAIN.
PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE TOLD THE FBI THE TRUTH.
NO, MOM, YOU DID THE RIGHT THING.
UNCLE NED'S YOUR BROTHER. YOU HAD TO PROTECT HIM.
I MEAN, IF THE FBI WERE LOOKING FOR ALEX,
I'M SURE I WOULD --
SORRY, BAD EXAMPLE.
HI, GUYS. SORRY I MISSED DINNER.
HOW'D IT GO? DID JENNIFER EAT ALL HER VEGETABLES?
NED, THE MAN WHO WAS HERE BEFORE WAS AN FBI AGENT.
DARN IT! AND I MISSED HIM?
I'M ALWAYS OUT OF THE HOUSE WHEN EXCITING THINGS HAPPEN.
HE SAID YOU EMBEZZLED $4.5 MILLION
FROM THE SYNTRAM CORPORATION.
WOW. THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY.
NED, I THINK MAYBE WE SHOULD TALK.
YEAH, I-I THINK SO, TOO.
UH, KIDS, WHY DON'T YOU GO ON UP TO BED NOW?
I JUST GOT MY SECOND WIND.
COME ON. GO ON.
LET'S GO.
OKAY, I DON'T WANT TO BE IN TROUBLE WITH THE FBI
AND MOM AND DAD.
I'D LIKE TO STAY, IF IT'S OKAY.
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
I THINK ALEX SHOULD HEAR THIS, TOO.
SO, WHAT DID YOU SAY TO THE FBI GUY?
WE TOLD HIM WE HADN'T SEEN YOU,
WE DIDN'T KNOW WHERE YOU WERE.
I APPRECIATE THAT YOU GAVE ME THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT.
BUT WE ONLY LIED 'CAUSE WE KNEW
YOU WOULDN'T DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
THANKS. DID YOU STEAL THE MONEY, NED?
YES.
ARE YOU CRAZY?
H-HAVE YOU ABSOLUTELY GONE OUT OF YOUR MIND?
YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND,
I-I DIDN'T STEAL THAT MONEY FOR MYSELF.
I STOLE IT FOR THOSE 1,800 PEOPLE
WHO ARE GOING TO LOSE THEIR JOBS.
WHAT WERE YOU GONNA DO,
SEND THEM EACH 100,000 BUCKS FOR CHRISTMAS?
I FELT AS THOUGH I HAD TO DO SOMETHING
TO TRY TO STOP THIS MERGER.
SO BEFORE I LEFT, I, UH --
I TOOK THE HEMSDALE PORTFOLIO,
ALL THE CORPORATE RECORDS AND $4.5 MILLION IN ASSETS,
AND I HID IT.
YOU HID IT? WHERE?
IN THE COMPUTER.
NOWADAYS THE RECORDS, ALL THE MONEY,
EVERYTHING IS STORED ON COMPUTER DISKS.
I SIMPLY OPENED UP AN ACCOUNT IN MY OWN NAME,
WITH AN ACCESS CODE THAT ONLY I KNOW,
AND I TRANSFERRED THE HEMSDALE PORTFOLIO INTO IT.
THIS WAY THAT MERGER CANNOT GO THROUGH.
NED, I RESPECT YOU QUITTING THE JOB,
BUT STEALING THE MONEY AND THE RECORDS
IS DOWNRIGHT STUPID.
AND WHETHER THAT MONEY IS STUFFED IN A COMPUTER
OR IN A SUITCASE, IT'S STILL STEALING.
I WAS UNDER THE IMPRESSION THAT YOU GUYS ONCE TOOK A STAND
AGAINST THINGS LIKE INJUSTICE AND BLIND CORPORATE GREED.
WE DIDN'T BREAK THE LAW, NED. OH, NO?
WHY WERE YOU IN JAIL DURING THE DEMOCRATIC CONVENTION OF '68?
YOU COULDN'T GET A HOTEL ROOM?
IT'S NOT THE SAME THING.
OF COURSE IT'S THE SAME THING.
IT WAS JUST FASHIONABLE WHEN YOU DID IT.
LOOK, YOU GUYS TOOK YOUR STAND IN THE '60s,
AND I RESPECT YOU FOR IT.
AND TWO DAYS AGO, I WAS ON THE VERGE OF SEEING MY WORK,
MY EDUCATION, MY ENTIRE LIFE UP TO THIS POINT
COME TO HARVEST IN THE SENSELESS FIRING OF 1,800 PEOPLE.
AND I TOOK MY STAND, DAMN IT!
YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY.
I WON'T INVOLVE YOU IN THIS ANYMORE.
I'LL BE GONE IN THE MORNING.
HEY.
OH, HI.
I STOPPED BY YOUR ROOM TO TALK.
YOU WEREN'T THERE.
I WAS HERE.
SO I SEE.
YOU WERE PRETTY QUIET EARLIER.
HOW COULD YOU DO IT, UNCLE NED?
THERE WAS NO OTHER WAY TO SAVE THOSE JOBS.
THERE HAD TO BE ANOTHER WAY.
MAYBE YOU COULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING
TO CREATE NEW JOBS FOR THOSE PEOPLE.
LIKE WHAT? I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE YOU COULD HAVE HIRED THEM
TO HELP OUT AROUND YOUR APARTMENT,
CLEAN UP, STUFF LIKE THAT.
1,800 PEOPLE?
THEY COULD TAKE SHIFTS. 600 AT A TIME.
ALEX, I THINK YOU'RE MISSING THE POINT HERE.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND, UNCLE NED.
I THOUGHT YOU LOVED THE BUSINESS WORLD.
IT'S EXCITING, RIGHT? ISN'T IT EXCITING?
KNOWING WHEN TO BUY SHORT AND WHEN TO SELL LONG.
WHEN TO PLAY HARDBALL AND WHEN TO USE SOFT SOAP.
WHEN TO LICK YOUR WOUNDS AND WHEN TO BITE YOUR BULLET.
USUALLY YOU LICK YOUR WOUNDS AFTER YOU BITE YOUR BULLET.
SEE? YOU KNOW ALL THIS STUFF.
ALEX, I ADMIT, IT WAS VERY EXCITING.
BUT IN THE FINAL ANALYSIS,
I JUST DIDN'T HAVE THE STOMACH FOR IT.
I BEGAN TO REALIZE THERE IS SOMETHING VERY WRONG
BUILT INTO THE WHOLE CORPORATE STRUCTURE.
BITE YOUR TONGUE.
THE SURVIVAL OF A CORPORATION HINGES ON ONE THING --
ITS ABILITY TO INCREASE PROFITS.
YOU KNOW THAT.
IF LITTLE TRIVIAL THINGS LIKE ETHICS
AND CONCERN FOR THE PUBLIC GOOD GET IN THE WAY,
THEY GET PUSHED ASIDE.
UNCLE NED, I AGREE THAT THE HEMSDALE MERGER
WAS A PRETTY SLEAZY DEAL.
BUT YOU'VE GOT TO WEIGH THE GOOD WITH THE BAD
ON THE SCALES OF INJUSTICE.
LET'S SAY THIS BOWL IS THE 1,800 WORKERS
AND, UH, THIS BANANA REPRESENTS SYNTRAM'S CORPORATE HEALTH.
SO THEY'RE EQUALLY IMPORTANT.
BUT, ALEX,
THOSE PEOPLE ARE GOING TO BE COLLECTING UNEMPLOYMENT,
WHICH IS A DRAIN ON THE FEDERAL RESERVE.
IN ADDITION, THERE'S THE LOST REVENUE
TO ALL THE SMALLER BUSINESSES THAT DEALT WITH HEMSDALE.
FINALLY, AND MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL,
THERE'S THE HUMAN FACTOR, THE INTANGIBLES.
SYNTRAM'S CORPORATE HEALTH
IS AN ILLUSION THAT IS EASILY STRIPPED AWAY.
SO YOU SEE,
WHEN YOU TAKE ALL OF THESE FACTORS INTO CONSIDERATION,
THE IMPLEMENTATION OF THIS MERGER
IS NOT CONGRUENT WITH THE PUBLIC GOOD.
I REST MY CASE.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO, UNCLE NED?
I DON'T KNOW.
LOOK FOR SOMETHING SIMPLE --
COTTAGE IN THE COUNTRY,
SWING ON THE OLD OAK TREE,
WHITE PICKET FENCE.
WILL YOU MARRY ME, ALEX?
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO.
STEVEN!
AAH! GET THE KIDS!
DID I WAKE YOU?
I DON'T KNOW. AM I AWAKE?
I'VE BEEN UP ALL NIGHT WORRYING.
ABOUT THE FBI?
NO, ABOUT JOEY LA GRANDE'S BASEBALL MITT.
OH, WELL, HONEY, I CAN UNDERST--
WHO THE HELL IS JOEY LA GRANDE?
HE WAS A BULLY WHO USED TO PUSH NED AROUND WHEN WE WERE KIDS.
WELL, ONE DAY, NED GOT FED UP,
AND HE STOLE JOEY LA GRANDE'S BASEBALL MITT.
OH, GREAT. THE FBI WILL PROBABLY COME LOOKING FOR THAT, TOO.
I TOLD NED THAT NO MATTER WHAT JOEY HAD DONE,
STEALING THE MITT WAS WRONG.
WELL, NED SAID HE KNEW THAT,
BUT HE WAS SCARED TO GIVE IT BACK.
SO I TOOK NED TO JOEY'S HOUSE,
AND I STOOD BESIDE HIM WHILE HE GAVE THE MITT BACK TO JOEY.
THAT'S FASCINATING, ELYSE.
DON'T YOU SEE? I HELPED NED.
I PROTECTED HIM
'CAUSE HE WAS MY LITTLE BROTHER AND HE NEEDED ME.
HE'S STILL MY LITTLE BROTHER.
I THINK WE OUGHT TO LET HIM STAY HERE,
AND I'M GONNA GO TELL HIM THAT, OKAY?
NO, I DON'T THINK IT'S OKAY.
NOW, LOOK, I LOVE YOUR BROTHER,
AND I'M WORRIED ABOUT HIM, TOO, BUT HE CAN'T STAY HERE.
WHY NOT?
ELYSE, HE DIDN'T JUST STEAL A BASEBALL MITT THIS TIME.
HE'S SCARED, STEVEN. THAT'S WHY HE CAME HERE.
WE CAN'T TURN HIM AWAY NOW. THE STAKES ARE TOO HIGH.
NED IS NOT A CHILD, ELYSE.
YES, HE IS. IN MANY WAYS, HE'S STILL A CHILD.
THAT'S BECAUSE YOU TREAT HIM LIKE ONE!
YOU CAN'T KEEP BAILING HIM OUT
EVERY TIME HE GETS INTO TROUBLE.
H-HE'S COMMITTED A CRIME, AND WE CAN'T BE A PARTY TO THAT.
YOU KNOW, I THINK MAYBE NED WAS RIGHT.
MAYBE WE ARE HYPOCRITES.
WHAT?
WHEN NED TOLD US WHAT HE'D DONE,
WE IMMEDIATELY CONDEMNED HIM FOR IT.
THERE WAS A POINT IN OUR LIVES WHERE WE WOULD'VE APPLAUDED WHAT HE DID.
WHAT NED DID WAS NOT SIMPLY A PROTEST.
IT WAS ONE MAN TAKING THE LAW INTO HIS OWN HANDS
BECAUSE HE THINKS HE'S RIGHT.
THAT'S NOTHING I CAN APPLAUD!
[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]
HELLO?
IT'S MRS. OBECK NEXT DOOR.
HI, MRS. OBECK.
HUH.
MRS. OBECK, I'M SORRY IF WE WERE MAKING TOO MUCH NOISE.
W-WHAT'S THAT?
NED IS ELYSE'S BROTHER.
NO, HE IS NOT GOING TO STAY HERE.
YES, I KNOW ELYSE MADE A GOOD POINT.
MRS. OBECK, IF YOU DON'T MIND,
THIS IS A PRIVATE MATTER.
GOOD -- GOOD NIGHT.
SHE ALWAYS TAKES YOUR SIDE.
ELYSE, WE SHOULDN'T BE FIGHTING.
I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT NED, BUT THIS IS HIS BATTLE.
YOU CAN'T PROTECT HIM FOREVER.
DID YOU GUYS HEAR THAT?
I THINK SOMEBODY'S STEALING THE CAR.
I HEARD IT, TOO.
SEE IF NED'S IN HIS ROOM.
WHAT DO YOU THINK THE ODDS ARE
THAT NED IS IN HIS ROOM, ELYSE?
UNCLE NED'S GONE.
ALEX IS GONE, TOO.
ALEX? JUST A MINUTE. OH, NO.
Woman: ATTENTION, PLEASE.
FLIGHT 437 TO MIAMI BEACH
WILL BE DELAYED FOR 30 MINUTES.
[ KNOCKING ON WALL ]
ALL RIGHT. YOU GOT ME HERE SAFELY.
NOW I WANT YOU TO GO HOME.
IN CASE ANYTHING GOES WRONG, I DON'T WANT YOU INVOLVED.
UNCLE NED, I MAY NOT AGREE WITH WHAT YOU DID.
I MAY NOT EVEN UNDERSTAND IT.
BUT YOU'RE MY UNCLE,
AND I CARE ABOUT YOU, AND I WANT TO HELP.
ALEX, I WILL BE FINE BY MYSELF.
NO, YOU WON'T.
IT'S NOT EVEN SAFE FOR YOU TO TALK TO ANYONE.
THIS PLACE COULD BE CRAWLING WITH FBI AGENTS.
EXCUSE ME.
DO YOU KNOW WHERE GATE 27 IS?
UH, HE DOESN'T SPEAK ENGLISH.
OH. WELL, THEN MAYBE YOU KNOW WHERE IT IS.
I DON'T SPEAK ENGLISH, EITHER.
OH.
SMOOTH, ALEX.
THE TRICK IS TO BE INCONSPICUOUS.
JUST ACT NATURAL. BE COOL, COLLECTED.
UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES PANIC.
OKAY.
NED!
UNCLE NED, WHY DON'T YOU JUST SIT OVER HERE
AND I'LL GO AND BUY YOUR TICKET?
HI.
OH, HI.
HOW'S IT GOING?
PRETTY GOOD.
GREAT. GREAT.
DO YOU WANT SOMETHING?
NAH.
OH, YEAH, YEAH, THERE IS ONE THING.
I NEED AN AIRLINE TICKET.
WHAT A BREAK.
I HAPPEN TO SELL AIRLINE TICKETS.
WHERE DO YOU WANT TO GO?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
I THINK THE QUESTION IS SELF-EXPLANATORY.
YEAH, RIGHT.
UM, I HAVEN'T REALLY DECIDED YET.
LET ME JUST STEP BACK AND LOOK AT THE BIG BOARD
AND SEE WHAT STRIKES MY FANCY.
Where do you want to go?
SEATTLE. OKAY.
THE NEXT FLIGHT LEAVES IN ONE HOUR.
NAME, PLEASE.
ALEX KEATON. [ PAPER RUSTLES ]
NO.
WAIT A MINUTE. NOT ALEX KEATON.
NOT ALEX KEATON?
NO. NO. NED DONNELLY.
NO, NO, NO.
UH, NOT -- NOT NED DONNELLY.
MY NAME IS DEFINITELY NOT NED DONNELLY.
YOU HAD LESS TROUBLE PICKING A CITY.
LOOK, KID, RELATIVELY SPEAKING,
THIS IS ONE OF LIFE'S EASIER QUESTIONS.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
ALFREDO GOMEZ.
ARE YOU SURE?
HEY, I OUGHT TO KNOW MY OWN NAME.
I SHOULD HAVE GUESSED IT.
IT'S WRITTEN ALL OVER YOUR FACE.
SEÑOR.
OKAY. GOMEZ.
CASH OR CHARGE?
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
CASH OR CHARGE? LET ME THINK.
I'LL BE GLAD TO WAIT WHILE YOU GO ASK.
THANKS. EXCUSE ME.
MR. CARLYLE!
HELLO, ALEX.
HELLO. SMALL WORLD, ISN'T IT?
ROUND, TOO.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
WHERE?
HERE. HERE.
OH, HERE. WHAT AM I DOING HERE?
I, UH -- I COME HERE A LOT.
OH, YOU DO? YEAH.
UH, I LIKE AIRPORTS.
I LIKE TO PRETEND THAT I'M GOING SOMEWHERE.
MR. GOMEZ, DO YOU WANT SMOKING OR NONSMOKING?
ARE YOU TALK-- ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?
Sí.
MY NAME IS NOT GOMEZ.
DO YOU WANT TO GO BACK TO ONE OF YOUR OLD NAMES?
OR DO YOU HAVE A NEW ONE FOR ME?
THIS GUY'S CRAZY.
CUT THE CHARADE, ALEX.
I FOLLOWED YOU HERE FROM YOUR HOUSE.
BOY, THAT TRAFFIC WAS SOMETHING, WASN'T IT?
LOOK, ALEX, YOU'RE -- LOOK, AL--
LOOK, ALEX, YOU'RE A GOOD KID.
NOW, I'M GOING TO HAVE TO ARREST UNCLE NED.
I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE INVOLVED. GO HOME, ALEX.
PLEASE, MR. CARLYLE.
PLEASE, DON'T ARREST UNCLE NED.
HE HAD A GOOD REASON. JUST LET HIM EXPLAIN.
I'M SORRY, ALEX.
OKAY.
AAH!
WHOA.
ALEX, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?
I WASN'T THINKING.
I WAS TRYING TO HELP UNCLE NED.
I FEEL SO BAD FOR UNCLE NED.
Steven: ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT, COME ON.
WE'RE NOT GONNA SOLVE ANYTHING BY STANDING AROUND AND WORRYING.
YOU'VE GOT TO GET TO SCHOOL.
I'VE GOT TO GET TO WORK.
WE'RE ALL GONNA LOOK PRETTY SILLY
UNLESS WE GET DRESSED FIRST.
COME ON.
SWEETHEART.
[ KETTLE WHISTLING ]
NED!
YOUR TEA'S READY.
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? WHY ARE YOU HERE?
FINE, AND I DON'T KNOW.
I WAS WORRIED ABOUT ALEX. DID HE MAKE IT BACK OKAY?
YEAH, ALEX IS FINE.
GOOD.
THEY'RE LOOKING FOR ME AT THE AIRPORT NOW.
IF IT'S OKAY, I'D LIKE TO HIDE OUT HERE
UNTIL I CAN THINK OF SOMETHING ELSE.
JUST A NIGHT OR TWO, ALL RIGHT?
NO. THAT'S NOT ALL RIGHT.
WHY NOT?
I THINK YOU SHOULD TURN YOURSELF IN.
I LOVE YOU, NED, BUT I-I CAN'T BAIL YOU OUT THIS TIME.
ARE YOU IMPLYING THAT THERE HAVE BEEN OTHER TIMES
WHEN YOU'VE HAD TO "BAIL ME OUT"?
DO YOU WANT A LIST?
NAME ONE, ELYSE.
THE TIME YOU TOOK DAD'S CAR WITHOUT PERMISSION.
OH, COME ON, ELYSE.
KIDS DO THAT KIND OF STUFF ALL THE TIME.
YOU LEFT HIM IN CLEVELAND.
HE HAD BUS FARE.
MAYBE THIS ISN'T ALL YOUR FAULT.
I KNOW I CODDLED YOU
AND I ALWAYS TRIED TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT FOR YOU.
BUT I'VE GOT TO SAY NO TO YOU SOMETIME.
LOOK, ELYSE, COME ON, I MEAN, WHAT'S A COUPLE OF DAYS?
YOU WON'T EVEN KNOW I'M HERE.
NO, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS, DO YOU?
YOU DON'T NEED A BIG SISTER ANYMORE.
YOU NEED A LAWYER.
I BEGGED YOU TO GO TO LAW SCHOOL.
THIS IS NOT A GAME.
YOU ARE NOT A KID ANYMORE.
FOR GOD'S SAKES, WILL YOU PLEASE GROW UP?
Alex: MOM.
UNCLE NED. OH, HEY, GOMEZ. ¿CóMO ESTá?
LISTEN, CARLYLE IS BACK,
AND THERE'S ANOTHER GUY WITH HIM.
JUST GIVE ME 10 MINUTES.
NED! THAT'S ALL THE HEAD START I NEED.
NO, I'M SORRY, BUT YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO TAKE MY WORD FOR IT.
HE'S NOT UP THERE. OKAY. OKAY. THEN WHERE IS HE?
WHO ARE YOU?
ELYSE, THIS IS MR. PETERSON.
HE IS THE PRESIDENT OF THE SYNTRAM CORPORATION.
AND, UH...
YOU KNOW MR. CARLYLE.
NICE TO SEE YOU ALL AGAIN.
ALL RIGHT, ENOUGH CHATTING. WHERE IS HE?
I PRESUME YOU'RE REFERRING TO MY BROTHER.
NO, I'M LOOKING FOR THE POPE.
DID YOU TRY ROME?
OR MAYBE HE'S TOURING SOMEWHERE.
THAT WASN'T FUNNY, KID.
YOU WATCH HOW YOU SPEAK TO MY DAUGHTER, MR. PETERSON.
THAT'S TELLING HIM, STEVE.
CARLYLE, THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE AN ARREST!
THAT DOESN'T MEAN IT CAN'T BE PLEASANT.
LOOK, WE KNOW NED'S HERE. I KNEW IT YESTERDAY.
THAT'S WHY I HAD MR. PETERSON FLY IN.
MR. CARLYLE, I'M SORRY WE LIED TO YOU YESTERDAY.
TO BE HONEST, WE WERE VERY SCARED.
BUT I'M TELLING YOU THE TRUTH
WHEN I SAY NOW THAT NED IS NOT HERE.
HI.
LOOK WHO'S HERE.
WHAT A PLEASANT SURPRISE.
[ Chuckling ] IT'S, UH, NED.
HELLO, ROB.
JUST PASSING THROUGH?
NO, I CAME TO HAVE YOU ARRESTED, NED.
THAT WAS MY NEXT GUESS.
ALL RIGHT, LOOK, NED, HERE'S THE DEAL.
IF YOU ISSUE A FORMAL APOLOGY
AND GIVE US THAT COMPUTER ACCESS NUMBER,
WE MAY BE WILLING TO REDUCE SOME OF THE CHARGES AGAINST YOU.
ROB, I'M TURNING MYSELF IN,
BUT I DON'T PLAN TO REVEAL THAT CODE.
NOW, DON'T BE A FOOL.
YOU KNOW AS WELL AS I DO THAT COMPUTER CAN BE PROGRAMMED
TO CRACK THAT CODE ALL BY ITSELF.
YEAH, THAT'S TRUE.
OH, YOU PROBABLY ALSO KNOW THAT IT'LL TAKE ABOUT 8.7 YEARS.
BUT, UH, I'M WILLING TO WAIT IF YOU ARE.
I'LL SEE YOU IN THE CAR, NED.
YOU KNOW, YOU REALLY BLEW IT.
YOU HAD SUCH A BIG FUTURE AT SYNTRAM.
WHY, IN 15 YEARS, YOU COULD'VE BEEN RUNNING THE WHOLE PLACE.
HOW LONG YOU FIGURE IT'LL TAKE ME NOW?
OKAY, NED. GET YOUR THINGS.
WE'RE GOING DOWNTOWN.
I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO SAY THAT.
WHAT MADE YOU STOP AND COME BACK?
I TRIPPED OVER JENNIFER'S BASEBALL MITT.
I THINK I TORE SOME LIGAMENTS.
SORRY, UNCLE NED.
NO, NO, NO.
ACTUALLY, I'M GLAD IT HAPPENED.
AS I WAS LYING THERE ON THE EDGE OF THE FRONT LAWN,
WRITHING IN PAIN, DESPERATELY TRYING TO FLAG DOWN A RIDE,
UH, I THOUGHT ABOUT SOMETHING.
WHAT?
WELL, I THOUGHT ABOUT CLEVELAND AND DAD
AND ABOUT THAT TIME, ELYSE,
WHEN I STOLE JOEY LA GRANDE'S BASEBALL MITT.
AND YOU TOOK ME BACK TO HIS HOUSE
AND MADE ME GIVE IT BACK TO HIM.
AND THEN YOU BEAT THE HELL OUT OF HIM.
YOU DIDN'T TELL ME THAT PART.
IT WAS A LONG TIME AGO.
ELYSE, I DIDN'T WANT TO GIVE JOEY
HIS BASEBALL MITT BACK THEN,
AND I CERTAINLY DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO NEW YORK NOW.
BUT, UH, IF I'M GONNA BE FIGHTING THESE BATTLES,
I SHOULD AT LEAST DO IT IN PERSON.
OKAY, MONKEY-FACE.
[ GRUNTS ]
I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER ONE THING. WHAT?
NEVER SWING AT CURVE BALLS ON THE OUTSIDE CORNER.
I WON'T. GOODBYE, UNCLE NED.
MALLORY, REMEMBER,
WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS, "X" EQUALS 8.
I'LL TRY NOT TO FORGET.
ALEX.
BIG BUSINESS CAN BE EXCITING AND CHALLENGING.
BUT DON'T PUT BLINDERS ON.
ALWAYS REMEMBER THE THINGS THAT ARE REALLY IMPORTANT.
TWO SECRETARIES, HUH?
EXACTLY.
WELL, THANKS FOR PUTTING UP WITH ME, STEVE.
I KNOW IT'S BEEN ROUGH.
WELL, HEY, SOMETIMES IT'S ROUGH, BUT IT'S NEVER DULL.
WHO KNOWS, ELYSE? I MAY JUST GROW UP YET.
I THINK MAYBE YOU ALREADY HAVE. I LOVE YOU, NED.
I LOVE YOU, TOO.
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, MR. CARLYLE.
GOODBYE, NED.
WAIT A MINUTE!
I'M JUST TESTING.