* I BET WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER * FOR A MILLION YEARS * AND I BET WE'LL BE TOGETHER * FOR A MILLION MORE * OH, IT'S LIKEI STARTED BREATHING * * ON THE NIGHT WE KISSED * AND I CAN'T REMEMBER * WHAT I EVER DID BEFORE * WHAT WOULD WE DO, BABY * WITHOUT US * WHAT WOULD WE DO, BABY * WITHOUT US * AND THERE AIN'T NO NOTHING * WE CAN'T LOVEEACH OTHER THROUGH * * WHAT WOULD WE DO, BABY * WITHOUT US * SHA LA LA LA * WHO'S THAT? MY MOMMY. AND WHO'STHAT PRETTY GIRL? JENNIFER,MY SISTER. WHO'S THAT? ALEX. WHO IS ALEX? ALEX IS KING. THERE YOU GO, ANDY. WHAT YOU MUSTHAVE GONE THROUGH TO GET HIMTO SAY THAT. WHY CAN'T YOUACCEPT IT? THAT'S ANDREW'SASSESSMENT OF ME. IT MAY CHANGE,BUT FOR NOW... ALEX IS KING. MALLORY, I EXPECTEDYOU HERE AN HOUR AGO. I HAD A CONFERENCEWITH ONE OF MY PROFESSORS. YOU HAVE PROFESSORSAT GRANT COLLEGE? I THOUGHT THEY JUST HADINSTRUCTIONAL RECORDS. I'VE GOT THREE PAPERSDUE NEXT WEEK AND A MULTIMEDIAPRESENTATION TO GIVE. I'LL NEVER GETTHROUGH ALL THIS. YOU'RE BABYSITTINGANDREW TONIGHT, REMEMBER? I REMEMBER.NICK'S COMING OVER SOON. GREAT. NOW YOU HAVETWO PEOPLE TO BABYSIT. ALEX, WHEN YOU TAKEA PHONE MESSAGE, WRITE DOWN WHO CALLED,WHEN, AND WHAT IT WAS ABOUT. I DID. LOOK. "SOMEBODY DUMBCALLED..." "SOMETIME TODAY, ABOUT SOMETHINGTRIVIAL." THIS COULD BEANY ONE OF MY FRIENDS, AND YOU KNOW IT. MALLORY, IT WAS YOURTURN TO DO THE LAUNDRY. I CAN'T DO ALLOF YOUR CHORES. YOU DON'T UNDERSTANDTHE PRESSURE I'M UNDER. I'VE GOT ALL THESENEW RESPONSIBILITIES. I'M NOT THE HIGH SCHOOLMALLORY ANYMORE. THE COLLEGE MALLORYDOESN'T HAVE TIME FOR CHORES. I LIKE THE HIGH SCHOOLMALLORY BETTER. I THINK THE WHOLE LINESHOULD BE DISCONTINUED. WE KNOW YOU'REGOING THROUGHA DIFFICULT PERIOD, BUT EVERYONEWILL HAVE TOMAKE ADJUSTMENTS. I'M WORKINGVERY HARD NOW, AND IF PEOPLE,AND YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, WOULD GET OFF MY CASEFOR EVERY LITTLE THING, EVERYTHINGWILL BE FINE. MALLORY, IS IT NECESSARY FOR YOUTO USE MY RAZOR? YOU DON'T WANT METO SHAVE MY LEGS. I'LL JUST COMPLETELYSTOP SHAVING. WILL THATMAKE YOU HAPPY? I DON'T THINK I COULDBE HAPPIER THAN THIS. I GET HOMEAND GET GRIEF. YOU'RE ALL AGAINST ME. HI, MALLY. ANDREW'S THE ONLY ONEWHO LOVES ME. YEAH, BUT HIS SKULL HASN'T COMPLETELYHARDENED YET. WHAT HAS GOTTENINTO YOU, MALLORY? ME? NOTHING'SGOTTEN INTO ME. I'M TIREDOF BEING PICKED ON. NO MATTER WHAT I DO, SOMEBODY'S ALWAYSCRITICIZING ME. NOBODY PICKSON JENNIFER, AND NOBODYPICKS ON ALEX. I JUST WANT TOKNOW WHY. ALEX IS KING. ANDY'S ALMOST ASLEEP. HE'S BEEN SPENDINGTOO MUCH TIME WITH ALEX. HE'S SLEEPINGIN A SUIT AND TIE. YOU'RE A GOODROLE MODEL FOR HIM. I LIKE KIDS.THEY'RE SO CHILDISH. THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I'VE BEEN ALONEIN THE HOUSE FOR A MONTH. YOU WANT ME TO GO? NO. I WISH IT WAS JUSTYOU AND ME ALL THE TIME. IT'S SO NICEWHEN WE'RE ALONE. YOU DON'T ASK METO DO MY HOMEWORK OR DO THE LAUNDRY. I DON'T EVEN HAVE TO THINKWHEN I'M AROUND YOU. I KNOW.ISN'T IT GREAT? WOULDN'T IT BE GREATIF THIS WAS OUR PLACE? WE COULD DECORATE ITTHE WAY WE WANT TO. YOUR SCULPTURESBY THE FIREPLACE, MY FASHION MAGAZINESON THE COFFEE TABLE. AND A CAN OF MOTOR OILON THE MANTEL, PLACED JUST SO. YOU KNOW WHATI'M STARTING TO THINK? THE MOTOR OIL WOULDGO BETTER ON THE TABLE? NO. I'M STARTING TO THINKWE SHOULD GET MARRIED. BOY, WAS I WAY OFF. I'M SERIOUS, NICK.LET'S GET MARRIED. W-W-WAIT JUSTA MINUTE HERE. YOU WANT TO MARRY ME? I MEAN IT. THIS IS GREAT. I NEVER DREAMT IT WOULDHAPPEN THIS WAY. USUALLY THE GUYASKS, RIGHT? NICK, THIS MAKESPERFECT SENSE. WE'LL HAVEOUR OWN PLACE. WE WON'T DO LAUNDRY FOR WEEKSIF WE DON'T WANT TO. IN THAT CASE,I ACCEPT. OUR LIVES TOGETHERWILL BE PERFECT. I WON'T HAVETHESE PETTY PROBLEMS I HAVE NOW. MALLORY... I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU, TOO. ALL RIGHT. BREAK IT UP,WILL YOU? HIGHER PRIMATECOMING THROUGH. SHOULD WE TELL HIM? TELL HIM WHAT? YOU KNOW. OH, ABOUT GETTINGMARRIED. YEAH. WHAT? I'M, I... WHAT DID YOU SAY? THAT'S RIGHT, ALEX. NICK AND I AREGOING TO GET MARRIED. NO, NO, NO, NO. NO. NO. YOU TWOCAN'T GET MARRIED. YOU CAN'T EVENFEED YOURSELVES. HEY, UH... LITTLE BROTHER-IN-LAW, IT'S A DELIGHTTO JOIN THIS FAMILY. NO, NICK. THIS FAMILYIS QUITE FULL. TRY THE HANDLEMANSNEXT DOOR. YOU KNOW, YOU'RETHE FIRST TO KNOW, ALEX. I MEAN IT.COME ON! GOD! YOU TWO ALONE? WHO'S GOING TOTAKE CARE OF YOU? WHO'S GOING TOPAY THE RENT? WHO'S GOING TOWORK THE APPLIANCES? ALEX, YOU'RENOT THINKING. I'M GOING TOMOVE OUT OF THIS HOUSE. I'M TORN. I ADMIT IT,I'M TORN. OH, NO! THAT'S NOTWHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN. YOU TWO WILLGET MARRIED, AND YOU BOTH WILLLIVE IN THIS HOUSE. YOU'RE NOT GOING TODO THIS TO ME. WHY DOES EVERYTHINGI DO INVOLVE YOU? BECAUSE I AM THE CENTEROF YOUR UNIVERSE. NOT ANYMORE, ALEX,I'M GETTING OUT. WHAT'S ALL THAT NOISE? ANDREW, YOU'RE NOTGOING TO BELIEVE THIS. MALLORY AND NICKARE GETTING MARRIED. HEY! * HMM HMM * HMM * * I LOVE YOU * MALLORY * I LOVE YOU * AND YOU LOVE ME * I CAN'T BELIEVE * THAT YOUPROPOSED TO ME * * MARRY ME * MARRY ME * MALLORY * M-- * AHEM. VERY GOOD. DO YOU KNOW THIS ONE? * IF YOU MARRY MY SISTER * MY FATHER'SGOING TO KILL YOU ** HI, FIANCE. ALL RIGHT.THIS HAS GOT TO STOP. YOU GOT TO READTHIS ARTICLE. WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT?LET ME READ IT TO YOU. "80% OF ALL MARRIAGESBETWEEN A M-MAN "AND A WOMAN UNDER THE AGE OF 21END IN DIVORCE." SO WE GOTA 50-50 CHANCE, RIGHT? IT'S NONEOF YOUR BUSINESS. IT IS MY BUSINESS. I'M COMING BACKWITH MORE STATISTICS. DON'T GET MARRIEDUNTIL I RETURN. OH, NICK. THAT'S THEM.WE HAVE TO TELL THEM. YOUR PARENTS AND IHAVE COME A LONG WAY. I'LL ASK FOR THEIRPERMISSION TO MARRY YOU. IF YOU'RE NERVOUS,I'LL DO IT. YOU ASKED METO MARRY YOU, LET ME ASK THEMFOR PERMISSION. OK. HI. HEY. HEY. UH, MR. KEATON,MRS. KEATON, UH... THERE'S SOMETHINGI'D LIKE TO ASK YOU, IF YOU HAVEA MOMENT, THAT IS. DO YOU HAVEA MOMENT, DEAR? I DO, DEAR. WE DO. WHAT IS IT? WELL, UH, SIR,AND MA'AM, WHAT I'D LIKETO TELL YOU IS THATMALLORY AND I WOULD LIKE TO GETM-MAHLKINNED. MALLORY AND YOU WOULDLIKE TO GET M-MAHLKINNED? I DON'T SEE WHY NOT. LET ME ASK YOU--WHAT LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING? UH, MR. KEATON. MRS. KEATON. MALLORY AND I WOULD LIKETO GET MARRIED. MY WIFE AND I ARE GOING TOSTEP OUT OF THIS ROOM, AND THEN WE'REGOING TO STEP BACK IN, AND YOU ARE GOING TOTELL US SOMETHING ELSE. ELYSE. NICK AND IWOULD LIKE TO GET MARRIED. WHO'S THIS, ANDY? MALLORY,MY SISTER. AND WHO'S THIS? NICK... MY BROTHER-IN-LAW. I DON'T SEEWHY YOU'RE UPSET. THEY'RE YOUNG.THEY'RE IN LOVE. THE WHOLE WORLD'SAGAINST THEM. IT'S SO ROMANTIC. THIS IS NOT WEST SIDE STORY. YOUR SISTER'S ABOUTTO MAKE A BIG MISTAKE. ANDY AND I THINKIT'S ROMANTIC. AND IT'S COMPLETELYDEVASTATED YOUR FATHER. * NOBODY KNOWSTHE TROUBLE I SEEN * * NOBODY KNOWSMY SORROW ** DAD'S OUT OF CONTROL. HAS MALLORY BEEN DOWN? NO. SHE'S BEENIN HER ROOM ALL DAY LOOKING AT CHINA PATTERNS. SHE WANTS USTO SET A WEDDING DATE. * HERE COMES THE BRIDE,ALL DRESSED IN WHITE ** WE HAVE TOTALK TO HER. WHAT ELSE CAN WE SAY? HER HEART'S SETON MARRYING NICK. THE MORE WE PROTEST, THE MORE DETERMINEDSHE BECOMES. * OLD MAN RIVER * THAT OLD MAN RIVER * PLEASE STOPSINGING SPIRITUALS. WAS I? SORRY.I WASN'T AWARE OF IT. MOM, DAD, I WANT YOUTO MEET GREGG CURRAN. GREGG IS A FRATERNITYBROTHER OF MINE. GREGG IS HEREFOR DINNER, AND IF ALL GOES WELL,TO MARRY MALLORY. WHAT ARE WEHAVING, ELYSE? SOMETHING GREGG LIKES,I HOPE. YOU NEVERMENTIONED MARRIAGE. YOU JUST ASKED METO MEET YOUR SISTER. THAT'S ALLYOU'RE GOING TO DO... TODAY, GREGG. TOMORROW...TOMORROWIS A BIG DAY FOR YOU. PICKING OUT THE RING, CATERER, TUXEDOS. THIS ISNO SOLUTION. DON'T STIFLE THE BOY'SCREATIVITY, ELYSE. MALLORY, I BROUGHTYOU SOMETHING. I MEAN, I WANT YOUTO MEET GREGG CURRAN. HELLO. HI. WELL, YOU TWO AREREALLY HITTING IT OFF. LET'S LEAVE THESETWO LOVEBIRDS ALONE. ALEX, THIS IS THE LOWESTYOU'VE EVER SUNK. YOU DON'T KNOWWHAT YOU'RE PASSING UP. LOOK AT THIS GUY-- HE'S HANDSOME,HE'S WELL-DRESSED, HE IS GENETICALLYINCAPABLE OF MAKING LESSTHAN $50,000 A YEAR. MALLORY, YOU DON'TTAKE HIM, I WILL. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. I DON'T WANT TOMEET ANYONE ELSE. I LOVE NICK,AND I'M GOING TO MARRY HIM. AH, GREGG. GREGG, SORRY THISDIDN'T WORK OUT, AND I'M SORRY YOUCAN'T STAY FOR DINNER. CAN'T I GETSOMETHING TO GO? GREGG'S GONE. WHAT ARE WEGOING TO DO? WE'LL TRYTO BE REASONABLE, BUT FAILING THAT,WE HAVE NO CHOICE-- WE'VE GOT TO GROUND HER, KEEP HERFROM SEEING NICK. GROUND HER DEEP,GROUND HER WIDE, AND GROUND HER LONG. I AGREE. IF WE HAVE TO,WE'LL GROUND HER. * SWING LOW * SWEET CHARIOT * COMING FOR TOCARRY ME HOME * * SWING LOW * SWEET CHARIOT * COMING FOR TOCARRY ME HOME ** [SLURP] [SLURP] PERHAPS WE SHOULD GETTO THE MATTER AT HAND. LET HER RIP. WE ASKED YOU TO COMEHAVE TEA WITH US TO MAKE SURE YOUUNDERSTAND OUR POSITION. I KNOW YOU'RENOT COMPLETELYIN SUPPORT OF OUR GETTINGMARRIED. YOU MISUNDERSTANDOUR POSITION. WE'VE MULLEDTHIS IDEA OVER, AND WE HATE IT. NICK, I DIDN'T KNOWYOU WERE COMING OVER. YOUR PARENTS WANTEDTO HAVE A TALK. OH, NO. WE WANTED TO GIVE NICKAN OPPORTUNITY TO EXPLAIN WHY HE'S DOING THISTERRIBLE THING TO OUR FAMILY. MORE TEA, NICK? HOW COULD YOU DO THIS? NICK, WOULD YOUMIND LEAVING? I WANT TO TALKTO MY PARENTS ALONE. MR. KEATON.MRS. KEATON. HEY. THIS SHOULD BETHE HAPPIEST TIMEOF MY LIFE. YOU'RE RUINING IT. WE JUST KNOW YOU'RENOT READY TO GET MARRIED. YOU'RE JUST SAYING THATBECAUSE IT'S NICK. ADMIT IT,YOU CAN'T STAND NICK. OK. I CAN'T STAND NICK, BUT YOU COULD BEMARRYING SAINT NICK, AND I'D STILL SAYYOU'RE NOT READY. IT'S SO UNREALISTIC,MALLORY. YOU CAN'T SUPPORTEACH OTHER. NICK AND ICAN WORK. WELL, WHAT ABOUT COLLEGE? IT DOESN'T MATTER.NICK IS WHAT MATTERS. WE'RE GOING TOGET MARRIED. WE CAN LIVE ON LOVE. * TOTE THAT BARGE,LIFT THAT BALE ** YOU KNOW WE LOVE YOU.LISTEN TO US. THE CHANCES OF THISNOT WORKING OUT ARE SO GREAT. YOU'RE SO YOUNG. HOW OLD WERE YOU TWOWHEN YOU GOT MARRIED? I FORGET. YOU WERE BOTH 19.IT WORKED OUT FOR YOU. IT HASN'T WORKED OUTTHAT GREAT. RIGHT, ELYSE? RIGHT. IT'S A MESS. WE CAN'T LET YOU MAKE THE SAMETERRIBLE MISTAKE WE DID. WE'RE GETTING MARRIED,AND YOU CAN'T STOP US. YOU'RE NOT MARRYING NICKOR ANYONE ELSE, NOT UNTIL WE'RE READY! NO. WELL, UNTIL YOU CANSTART THINKING CLEARLY, YOU'RE GROUNDED! THAT'S RIGHT.YOU'RE GROUNDED. YOU CAN'T GROUND ME.I'M 18 YEARS OLD. I DON'T HAVE TOLIVE HERE. OH, REALLY? YOU CAN'T GROUND ME BECAUSE I WANTTO GET MARRIED. NO? YOU CAN'T GROUNDA MARRIAGE. ARE YOU GOING TOGROUND NICK, TOO? WE'RE LOOKINGINTO THAT. CAN I TALKTO YOU A MINUTE? YOU SURELY MAY. WE CAN'T GROUNDSOMEONE HER AGE. BUT WE'VE ALWAYS GROUNDED.IT'S WORKED SO WELL. WE CAN'T. IF THEY TAKE THATAWAY FROM US, WHAT HAVE WEGOT LEFT? AN ADULT RELATIONSHIP BASED ON RESPECTAND LOVE, A CARING ALLIANCEOF EQUALS. GROUNDING'S BETTER. [KNOCK ON DOOR] MY PARENTSTRIED TO GROUND ME. I'M SO ANGRYI COULD SCREAM. GO AHEAD, SCREAM. EVERYBODY SCREAMSIN THIS BUILDING. NO. IT WON'T HELP. I'M JUST SO...UHH! HIT THE HEAVY-BAG. NO. NO, REALLY.GIVE IT A TRY. IT WORKS FOR ME. ALL RIGHT.HERE, WATCH. DON'T TELL MEI AIN'T GOT NO RIGHT TO LOOKIN YOUR GARBAGE CAN... 'CAUSE I DO. ALL RIGHT? GET IT OUT. SAY WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND, AND WHALE INTO ITWITH ALL YOU GOT. I WANT MY PARENTSTO UNDERSTAND THAT I'M 18, AND IGOT SOME RIGHTS. THAT'S IT.NOW YOU'RE TALKING. ALL RIGHT,COME ON. I LOVE YOU, AND IWANT TO MARRY YOU. AND NOBODY CAN TELL MEI CAN'T GET MARRIED! NOT WITH A RIGHTLIKE THAT. I WANT MY OWN APARTMENT!I WANT MY OWN LIFE! YOU DEFINITELYKNOW WHAT YOU WANT. I WANT TO ELOPE. I KNOW THISJUSTICE OF THE PEACE IN NEW JERSEY. MY COUSIN USES HIM A LOT. I WANT TO GET MARRIEDTOMORROW, NICK. CAPTIONING PERFORMED BYTHE NATIONAL CAPTIONINGINSTITUTE, INC. CAPTIONS COPYRIGHT 1986PARAMOUNT PICTURES CORPORATION PUBLIC PERFORMANCE OF CAPTIONSPROHIBITED WITHOUT PERMISSION OFNATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE