[ THEME SONG PLAYS ] * I BET WE'VE BEEN TOGETHERFOR A MILLION YEARS * * AND I'LL BET WE'LL BE TOGETHERFOR A MILLION MORE * * OH, IT'S LIKEI STARTED BREATHING * * ON THE NIGHT WE KISSED * AND I CAN'T REMEMBERWHAT I EVER DID BEFORE * * WHAT WOULD WE DO, BABY * WITHOUT US? * WHAT WOULD WE DO, BABY * WITHOUT US? * AND THEREAIN'T NO NOTHIN' * * WE CAN'T LOVEEACH OTHER THROUGH * * OOH-HOO * WHAT WOULD WE DO, BABY * WITHOUT US? * SHA-LA-LA-LA [ CLARINET SQUEAKING OFF-KEY ] [ MUSIC STOPS ] I THINKJENNIFER'S IMPROVING, DON'T YOU, MAL? YES, DEFINITELY. COULDN'T SHE LEARN TO PLAYSOMETHING QUIETER... LIKE CHECKERS? ALEX,WE ALL PUT UP WITH YOU WHEN YOU WERE LEARNINGHOW TO PLAY THE ACCORDION. COME ON, MALLORY,THAT WAS DIFFERENT. I HAD A RARE GIFTFOR THAT INSTRUMENT. YOUR TEACHER WOUND UPIN AN INSTITUTION! HEY! HEY, MRS. BILLINGTONHAD SERIOUS PERSONAL PROBLEMS WAY BEFORE I PLAYED"LADY OF SPAIN"! ISN'T UNCLE NEDHERE YET? CAN'T WAITTO PLAY FOR HIM. HE SHOULD BE HEREANY MINUTE. I THINK YOU SHOULDKEEP PRACTICING. UH, OUTSIDE. WELL, COME ON. THE ACOUSTICSARE BETTER OUTSIDE. IT'S DARK OUT, ALEX. IT'LL GET YOU IN THE MOOD,JENNIFER. YOU CAN PLAY THE BLUES. ALL RIGHT, BUT JUST CALL MEWHEN UNCLE NED GETS HERE. OKAY? SO, MA, THINK UNCLE NED'S GONNASTAY FOR A WHILE THIS TIME? WELL, IT'S HARD TO PREDICTANYTHING ABOUT MY BROTHER. THE ONLY THINGYOU CAN PREDICT IS HE'LL BEUNPREDICTABLE. AND EVEN THAT WE'RE NOT TOO SURE ABOUT. YEAH, WELL, IF DAD GETS HIMTHIS JOB AT THE STATION, HE'LL BE ABLETO SETTLE DOWN. NOW, DON'T GET YOUR HOPES UPABOUT THIS. YOUR DAD'S TRYINGTO SET UP AN INTERVIEW, BUT I THINK YOU SHOULDSTOP BUGGING HIM ABOUT IT. WHAT, ME? I HAVEN'T BEENBUGGING HIM. ALEX, YOU WALLPAPEREDOUR BEDROOM WITH NED'S RéSUMé. HEY! WHAT'S JENNIFERDOING OUTSIDE? SHE'S PRACTICINGHER CLARINET. WELL, THAT EXPLAINSALL THE CATS. SO, DAD, YOU THINK YOU'RE GONNABE ABLE TO GET UNCLENED THAT INTERVIEW? ALEX, TRY AND BEA LITTLE MORE SENSITIVE! DID YOU HAVEA GOOD DAY, HONEY? WELL, ACTUALLY --GREAT. DID YOU GETNED THE INTERVIEW? YES, I TALKEDWITH MR. WERTZ. HE SAYS, IF NED'S INTERESTED,HE'LL SEE HIM. DID THE QUESTIONOF NED'S PAST COME UP? OF COURSE IT CAME UP,ELYSE. I COULDN'T TELL WERTZTHAT NED JUST ARRIVED FROM THE PLANET XENON. SURE BEATS TELLING HIMHE EMBEZZLED $4.5 MILLION FROM HIS LAST JOB. COME ON, MOM.HE DID NOT EMBEZZLE ANYTHING. HE DIDN'T MAKE A PENNYFROM THAT. HE SIMPLY HID THAT MONEYIN THE COMPUTER TO PREVENT A MERGER THAT WOULDPUT A LOT OF PEOPLE OUT OF WORK. IT -- IT WAS AN ACTOF CONSCIENCE. ONE MAN'S ACTOF CONSCIENCE IS ANOTHER MAN'S FELONY,ALEX. HE MADEA GREAT SACRIFICE, DAD. HE WAS VICE PRESIDENTOF A MAJOR CORPORATION. HE GAVE THAT UPFOR SOMETHING HE BELIEVED IN. WHY ARE ALL THOSE CATSOUT IN THE YARD ROLLINGON THEIR BACKS? MAYBE JENNIFER'SPRACTICED ENOUGH TONIGHT. LOOK WHO'S HERE! HEY!HEY, LISTEN! THESE WERE OUT ON A CURB,AND IT'S A GOOD THING I HAPPENED BY,'CAUSE TWO GUYS IN A TRUCK WERE TRYINGTO MAKE OFF WITH THEM. OH! * SHE'S AN UPTOWN GIRL HOW YOU BEEN? ALEX, HEY,YOU'VE GROWN A HAIR. HEY, HOW ARE YOU?STEVEN, HEY. YOU'VE GROWN MANY HAIRS. AND MY FAVORITE SISTER. OH! HOW ARE YOU?OH, GOOD. WELL, HERE I AM, HUH? LET'S CELEBRATE, HUH? ALEX,YOU GOT ANY BEERS? YEAH, I THINK SO. GREAT, GREAT.THANKS. TA-DA!BEAUTIFUL. HERE, PUT THIS BACK FOR ME,WOULD YOU? SO HOW WASTHE TRAIN RIDE?GOOD. GOOD. NEXT TIME, I THINKI'M GONNA RIDE INSIDE. OH, YOU LITTLEMONKEY-FACE, YOU! OH, HEY, WHAT'S, UH --WHAT'S WITH THE CLARINET? I'M TAKING LESSONS.DO YOU WANT TO HEAR ME PLAY? ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,ALL RIGHT. AND...FIVE.ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE. AH, GEOGRAPHY. OOH, YES.OKAY, THAT'S GREAT. THIS IS ONE OFMY SIX BEST CATEGORIES. HOW ARE YOU IN GEOGRAPHY,MALLORY? WELL, LET'S PUT IT THIS WAY,UNCLE NED -- WE'RE HAPPYWHEN SHE FINDS HER WAY HOME. HE'S TRYING TO BREAKOUR CONCENTRATION, UNCLE NED. JUST IGNORE HIM. IGNORE WHOM? DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT,MAL. THERE'S NOT A LOTIN THIS CATEGORY THAT NED "GEOGRAPHY" DONNELLYDOESN'T KNOW. GO AHEAD.FIRE AWAY, SIS. "WHAT COUNTRY --" OH, NO!A COUNTRY QUESTION! JUST FORGET IT.FORGET IT.LET ME FINISHTHE QUESTION. OKAY, ALL RIGHT,ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. I PANICKED. I PANICKED.GO AHEAD. GO AHEAD. "WHAT COUNTRY DRINKSTHE MOST BEER PER CAPITA?" WE GIVE UP. WEST GERMANY. WHAT, THEY'RE AHEAD OF USIN THAT, TOO? ALL RIGHT, ALEX, ALEX,IT IS OUR PATRIOTIC DUTY TO CATCH UPWITH THESE JOKERS. GET SOME MORE BEERIN HERE.I GOT IT. I'LL HAVE ONE, TOO, ALEX.OKEYDOKE. OH, GOSH.IT IS LATE, GUYS. TIME FOR BED. DO WE HAVE TO?! I DON'T WANT TO GOTO BED YET! YEAH, UNCLE NED'S BEEN GOOD.CAN'T HE STAY UP ANOTHER HOUR? COME ON, IT'S AFTER 10:00.WE'LL FINISH TOMORROW. YEAH, BUT I WANTEDTO PLAY A NUMBER FOR UNCLE NEDBEFORE BED. Alex:NO! PLEASE, NO! REVEILLE IS AT 0600. [ LAUGHS ]OKAY, COME ON. GOOD NIGHT, GUYS.GOOD NIGHT, BABES. OH, HERE YOU GO,UNCLE NED. OH! GREAT. DAD.ALEX. HEY!HEY! [ BOTH GRUNTING ] GOING PRETTY HEAVYON THAT STUFF, AREN'T YOU, NED? UH, JENNIFER AND MALLORYAREN'T HAVING ANY, SO I'M JUST HELPINGTHE FAMILY MEET ITS QUOTA. COME ON, SIT DOWN.I WANT TO TALK TO YOU. OH, GOLLY. THIS SOUNDS LIKE SOMEBROTHER-AND-SISTER STUFF TO ME. YEAH, IT IS. COME ON, YOU KNOWWHAT I'M GONNA SAY. DON'T YOU THINKIT'S TIME YOU GOT A JOB? OH, GEE.ELYSE, I JUST GOT HERE. COME ON, GIVE ME A CHANCETO UNPACK MY THINGS. I'VE STILL GOT RAIL LAG. IT'S TIME YOU GOT SETTLED. I MEAN, YOU HAVEN'T HADA DECENT JOB IN A YEAR. NO, NO, NO.THAT'S NOT TRUE. I HAD A GREAT JOBFOR THREE WEEKS IN DENVER. I WAS A DOCTOR. NED, BE SERIOUS. ELYSE, YOU BE SERIOUS.WHO IS GONNA HIRE ME NOW? WELL,IF YOU'RE INTERESTED, UH, THERE'S AN OPENINGDOWN AT THE STATION FOR A PROGRAMCONSULTANT. THE INTERVIEWSOFFICIALLY ENDED LAST WEEK, BUT, UH, I WAS ABLETO PULL A FEW STRINGS AND GET YOU ONE. I, UH, THINKYOU MIGHT BE GOOD AT IT. I'D BE GREAT AT IT! DOES THAT MEANYOU'RE INTERESTED? [ Gruff voice ] NO, IT MEANSI FIND YOU IRRESISTIBLE. [ Normal voice ]YES. YES, I AM. ALL RIGHT!THIS CALLSFOR A CELEBRATION. BARKEEP, A FEW MORE BEERSIN HERE, PLEASE. I'M BUYIN'. [ DISHES CLINKING ] HUNGRY, ALEX?! UNCLE NED, I DIDN'T KNOWYOU WERE THERE. OH, I'M SORRY.ARE YOU OKAY? THAT DEPENDS. JUST HOW IMPORTANT IS THE HEART? [ GULPS ] COME ON, SIT DOWN.HAVE A DRINK. IT'LL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER. WHAT ARE YOU DOING UPSO LATE, ANYWAY? AH, I GOTTA PULLAN ALL-NIGHTER FOR AN ECONOMICS FINALTOMORROW. OH, WELL, THEN YOU'REGONNA NEED A BEER. IT'LL HELP YOU STUDY. CAUSE IF YOU'VE GOT THE TIME,WE'VE GOT THE BEER. WE HAVEN'T GOT THE BEER. WELL... ALEX, WHAT DO YOU SAYWE GO MAKE A BEER RUN, HUH? AH, UNCLE NED,IT'S AFTER 2:00. YOU KNOW HOW TO MAKEA BEER RUN, DON'T YOU? JUST TICKLE HIMUNDER HIS POP-TOP. [ LAUGHING ] OHH, WELL! [ CLATTER ] OH, OH, OH, OH. [ DISH CLANKS ] YO, UNCLE NED,ARE YOU OKAY? I'M FINE. I'M --I'M FINE. I'M FINE. LET'S SEE, NOW. THERE OUGHT TO BE SOME ALCOHOLIN HERE SOMEWHERE. OH, WHAT HAVE WE GOT? "MARINATEDARTICHOKE HEARTS." YOU EVER HAVE A REAL GOODARTICHOKE-HIGH, ALEX? CUT IT OUT, UNCLE NED. YOU -- YOU REALLY DON'TNEED THIS. AH, AH, AH,AH, AH, AH, AH. OH, OH, OH, OH.HERE WE GO, NOW. IT MAY NOT BEMILLER TIME, BUT IT ISVANILLA TIME. HERE'S LOOKINGAT YOU, KID. AHH! NOW, REMEMBER,DON'T DRIVE AND BAKE. I DON'T BELIEVE THIS. YOU JUST DRANK A WHOLE BOTTLEOF VANILLA EXTRACT. I'M SORRY.DID YOU WANT SOME? NO. NO, I DIDN'T. WELL... COME ON, SIT DOWN. MAYBE I CAN HELP YOU WITH THIS TEST OF YOURSTOMORROW, HUH? I AM NOTTOTALLY UNFAMILIAR WITH THE AREA OF ECONOMICS,YOU KNOW. THANKS, I THINKI'LL DO ALL RIGHT. YOU, UH...Y-YOU DON'T THINK YOUR UNCLE NEDHAS IT ANYMORE, HUH? Y-YOU'RE ASHAMEDOF YOUR UNCLE NED. YOU THINKI MIGHT GIVE YOU... THE WRONG ANSWERS. WELL, LET METELL YOU SOMETHING. I SPOKE IN FRONTOF THE WORLD BANK! SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST COME DOWNFROM THIS HIGH HORSE AND ASK YOUR UNCLE NEDFOR SOME HELP, HUH? WHAT'S THE MATTER? DON'T YOU LIKEYOUR UNCLE NED ANYMORE? I LIKE HIM.I LIKE HIM A LOT. AND YET YOU'RE TOO GOODTO SIT DOWN AND HAVE A GLASSOF MARASCHINO CHERRIES WITH HIM? HUH? IS THAT IT? COME ON, COME ON. I'VE JUST NEVERSEEN YOU DRUNK BEFORE. [ CHAIR CLATTERS ] YOU THINK I'M DRUNK? YOU THINK I AM DRUNK? LET ME TELL YOUSOMETHING, BUDDY -- I'M DRUNK. WHY SHOULDN'T I BE? I DON'T LIKE TO SEE YOULIKE THIS. [ Chuckling ] OH, YOU. YOU ARE JUST LIKE THAT MOTHEROF YOURS, AREN'T YOU? YOU ALWAYS THINKYOU CAN TELL ME WHAT TO DO. UNCLE NED, I'M NOT --LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING! NED DONNELLY MARCHESTO HIS OWN DRUM! SO DON'T THINK YOU CAN COMEIN HERE AND PROP ME UP WITH SOME PIOUS PLATITUDES,BECAUSE YOU ARE WRONG. WHY DON'T YOU J--JUST GET OUT OF HERE, HUH? BEAT IT. YOU'RE BEGINNINGTO GET ON MY NERVES. [ SIGHS ] WHY DON'T YOU JUSTCOME UPSTAIRS, SLEEP IT OFF? NO, NO, NO.I'M, UH... I'M GONNA GO OUT.UH... UH, UH... TAXI! PULL YOURSELF TOGETH-- WILL YOU GET OUT OF HERE,YOU PUNK?! JUST GET OUT OF HERE! ALL RIGHT, I'LL GET OUT OF HERE. MORE CHERRIES FOR ME. [ SIGHS ] [ SIGHS ]HEY! GOOD MORNING, ALEX. DID YOU SLEEP ALL RIGHT? NO. NO, NOT SO GREAT. OH, WHY NOT? WHAT DO YOU MEAN --"WHY NOT?" YOU KNOW WHYI DIDN'T SLEEP WELL LAST NIGHT. OH. YEAH, YEAH. I HAD THAT SAME PROBLEMAS A TEENAGER. WELL, I DON'T KNOW. TAKE A COLD SHOWER.THINK OF BUDDY HACKETT. MORNING, ALEX. OH, MORNING, MOM. IS NED DOWN YET? UH, YEAH.YEAH, HE WAS JUST HERE. UH, LISTEN, MOM,WE HAVE A REAL PROBLEM HERE. YEAH, WHAT'S THAT? WELL, IT'S UNCLE NED. YOU KNOW,HE'S BEEN DRINKING A LOT, MOM. LOOK, THIS IS A VERY DIFFICULTTIME FOR HIM, ALEX. JUST BECAUSE HE'S DRINKINGA LITTLE MORE THAN USUAL DOESN'T MEANHE'S A DRUNK. NO, YOU GOTTALISTEN TO ME. IF YOU HAD SEEN HIMLAST NIGHT -- Steven: NOW, THE MAIN THING IS,JUST RELAX. BE YOURSELFAT THE INTERVIEW, NED. WERTZ IS TOUGH,BUT HE'S FAIR. TOUGH BUT FAIR?I LIKE THAT IN A WOMAN. UNCLE NED, THIS IS FOR YOU,FOR YOUR INTERVIEW. OH, GREA--OH, THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL! [ LAUGHS ] ONE FROM EACH OF US. THANK YOU, GUYS. I GOTTA GO IN EARLY TODAY. I'LL DROP YOU OFF, GIRLS.YOU COMING, ALEX? UH, NO, THANKS, DAD.PETE'S GONNA BE HERE AND PICK ME UPANY MINUTE.OKAY. 11:00 IN MY OFFICE, NED?SEE YOU THERE. OH, I'LL BE THEREWITH SOCKS ON.YEAH. [ STEVEN CHUCKLES ] NED SEEMS FINE TO ME. TRUST ME, MOM. UNCLE NED HASA DRINKING PROBLEM, AND YOU GOTTADO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. ALEX, DON'T YOU THINKYOU'RE OVERDRAMATIZING THIS? WHY, IN THE NAMEOF ALL THAT IS PURE AND SACRED IN THIS GREAT PLANETOF OURS, DO YOU ALWAYS ACCUSE MEOF OVERDRAMATIZING THINGS? ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,BUT, UH... THIS TIMEI'M NOT EXAGGERATING. LOOK, ALEX, I'VE KNOWN NEDA LOT LONGER THAN YOU HAVE. HE WAS ALWAYS A DRINKERIN SCHOOL, BUT HE'S BEEN ABLETO HANDLE IT. MOM... HE DRANK A WHOLE BOTTLEOF VANILLA EXTRACT LAST NIGHT. HE WAS RUMMAGINGTHROUGH THE PANTRY LOOKING FOR ANYTHINGWITH ALCOHOL IN IT. [ CAR HORN HONKS ] THERE'S MY RIDE.I GOTTA GO. LISTEN, UH... TALK TO HIM,WILL YOU, PLEASE, MOM? YEAH. [ DOOR SLAMS ] WELL, HEY,THIS PLACE CLEARED OUT FAST. ARE YOU FEELING OKAY? COULDN'T BE BETTER. ARE YOU WORRIEDABOUT THE INTERVIEW? [ Sighing ]OH, A LITTLE. I FIGURE I'LL DO ALL RIGHT,THOUGH. [ GRUNTS ] KEYS... WELL,WHERE DID YOU COME FROM? OH, YEAH,I REMEMBER NOW. YEAH, NONSTOP FROM CHICAGOTO PHOENIX LAST AUGUST. WELL, IT IS GOODTO SEE YOU. [ High-pitched voice ]OH, WELL, IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU,TOO, NED. [ SIGHS ] WHAT'D YOU PUTIN YOUR ORANGE JUICE, NED? [ Normal voice ]UH, A LITTLE VODKA. NED, THE -- THE INTERVIEW'SIN JUST A COUPLE OF HOURS. TAKE IT EASY. OH, ELYSE, THIS IS JUSTA LITTLE VODKA SO I WON'T HAVE ANY ORANGE JUICEON MY BREATH. YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING... HEAVILYEVER SINCE YOU GOT HERE. SHOULD I BE WORRIEDABOUT YOU? [ Chuckling ]OH, ELYSE, THIS IS YOUR BROTHER NEDYOU'RE TALKING TO, NOT SOME OLD DRUNK. I DON'T HAVE ANY PROBLEMWITH THIS. I CAN STOP THISANY TIME I WANT TO. THEN STOP. NOW. [ CHUCKLES ] IS IT REALLYTHAT IMPORTANT TO YOU? YES. ALL RIGHT. [ SIGHS ] I'LL STOP. NO BIG DEAL. [ IMITATES CROWD CHEERING ] MR. DONNELLY, THIS ISA VERY IMPRESSIVE RéSUMé. TWO YEARSAT KELTON ELECTRONICS? YES, YES.IT'S A FINE FIRM. THEY RECRUITED MERIGHT OUT OF HARVARD. MM, AND FROM THEREYOU WENT TO CENTRAM. EASTERN REGIONAL MANAGER ANDTHEN JUNIOR VICE PRESIDENT -- THAT'S RIGHT. STEVEN TOLD ME ABOUT...YOUR DIFFICULTIES THERE. PERHAPS YOU'D LIKETO EXPAND UPON THAT. WELL, UH, MR. WERTZ, I COULD TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENEDTO ME AT CENTRAM, BUT I THINK I COULD SAY IT BESTWITH MUSIC. AND ONE, TWO,ONE, TWO, THREE, AND... [ TELEPHONE RINGING ] HELLO? UH, JUST A SECOND. UH, M-MR. WERTZ,IT'S FOR YOU. OH, THANK YOU. [ CLEARS THROAT ] HELLO?NED, NED, UH... WHAT'S, UH... WHAT'S -- WHAT'S GOTTENINTO YOU? WHAT'S GOING ON? OH, NOTHING. I'M JUSTA LITTLE NERVOUS IS ALL. I THOUGHT THE CLARINETWOULD SORT OF BREAK THE ICE. WELL, I-I WOULD HAVE GONEWITH A HANDSHAKE AND A SMILE. [ SIGHS ] IT'S -- IT'S TOO LATE NOW. UM, UH, UH, LOOK, UH,JUST, UH, TRY TO RELAX. BE YOURSELF. "BE MYSELF." THAT IS JUST CRAZY ENOUGHTO WORK, STEVEN. N-NED -- SORRY ABOUTTHAT INTERRUPTION. OH, UH, NO, UH,NO PROBLEM AT ALL. UH, NED AND I WERE JUST,UH, UM... STRETCHING OUR LEGS. WELL, ACTUALLY,STEVEN WAS STRETCHING MY LEGS, AND I WAS STRETCHINGHIS LEGS. [ LAUGHS ] JOKES ARE OUT.GOTCHA. PLEASE, SIT DOWN. THANKS.RIGHT, UH... NOW -- OH! WHOA, WHOA,WHOA, WHOA. I'M SORRY.THAT -- THAT WAS ME. OKAY, SO... WELL, UH, KEATON... TELL US A LITTLE BITABOUT YOURSELF, HUH? NED, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?YOU SHOULD BE OVER HERE WITH ME. WELL, WHY DON'T YOUCOME ON OVER HERE WITH US? NOW, COME ON,MOVE OVER, WERTZ. MAKE ROOM FOR STEVEIN HERE. NED, NED,GET OVER HERE! OH, ALL RIGHT.COME ON, WERTZ! NED! I'M SORRY, HE IS SO ADORABLEWHEN HE'S ANGRY. ALL RIGHT! LET'S QUITGOOFING AROUND! WERTZ, GROW UP,FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! TAKE THIS THINGSERIOUSLY. HAVEN'T YOUFORGOTTEN SOMETHING? WHAT? SOCKS! NO, NO, NO.I GOT MINE RIGHT HERE. YOU WANT TO TRY 'EM ON? OH, OH, OH, OH. OH! I'M SORRY!THAT WAS ME. THAT WAS ME.I'LL GET 'EM. DON'T WORRY. MR. WERTZ,I'M VERY SORRY ABOUT THIS. HEY, WERTZ! YOU'RE NOT WEARINGANY SOCKS, EITHER. I MOST CERTAINLY AM. WELL, THEN WHOSE FEETARE THESE? NED, PLEASE, GET UP NOW. ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. [ GRUNTING ] [ SIGHS ]MR. DONNELLY, I THINKTHIS INTERVIEW IS OVER. WELL, WERTZ, I THINK YOU DIDA FINE JOB, AND I WILL LET YOU KNOWIN A FEW DAYS. BOYS. WHERE'S NED? WHAT'S THE MATTER? WHAT HAPPENEDAT THE INTERVIEW? ELYSE,HE SHOWED UP DRUNK... WITHOUT SOCKS! HE MADE A FOOL OF HIMSELF,OF ME, AND OF MR. WERTZ. NO. HE PROMISED MEHE WOULDN'T DRINK. HOW MUCH MORE EVIDENCEDO YOU NEED, MOM? AND LET METELL YOU SOMETHING -- WHAT I SAW TODAYWAS MUCH MORE THAN A MAN WHO HAD A FEWTOO MANY DRINKS. WHAT I SAW WASA-A SICK, SELF-DESTRUCTIVEINDIVIDUAL. WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO? WELL, HE OBVIOUSLY NEEDS HELP.I DON'T KNOW -- MAYBE HE SHOULD CALLALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS. HEY! HI-HO, STEV-A-RINO. I GUESS I'M STARTINGON MONDAY, HUH? YOU WANT TO CAR-POOL? HEY, ALEX! ALEX. OPEN THAT UPAND GET SOME GLASSES, 'CAUSE WE'RE GONNAHAVE OURSELVES A LITTLE CELEBRATION,HUH? THAT WAS QUITE AN EXHIBITIONYOU PUT ON TODAY. YEAH, WELL,I AIM TO PLEASE. NED, YOU SAIDYOU WOULDN'T DRINK. OH, I HAVEN'TBEEN DRINKING, ELYSE. I JUST HAD A COUPLE OF BEERS,THAT'S ALL. I RAN INTOAN OLD FRIEND OF MINE, MIKE --UH, MIKE GRIFFIN, AND HE INSISTED I HAVEA DRINK WITH HIM. NOW, I COULDN'TTURN HIM DOWN, COULD I? NED!ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,ALL RIGHT. I DIDN'TMEET MIKE GRIFFIN. I MET MERV GRIFFIN, AND HE INSISTEDTHAT I HAD A DRINK WITH HIM. NOW, WHAT COULD I DO?YOU DON'T SAY NO TO MERV. WOULD YOU STOP LYING, NED? NOT NOW!I'M ON A ROLL! LISTEN TO YOURSELF. LET ME TRY THAT."NOT NOW! I'M ON A ROLL!" I SOUND FINE TO ME.[ CHUCKLES ] THIS INTERVIEW COULDHAVE BEEN A NEW STARTFOR YOU, UNCLE NED. DAD WENT OUT OF HIS WAYTO SET IT UP. YOU DIDN'T EVENGIVE IT A CHANCE. ALEX, WHAT DIFFERENCEDOES IT MAKE? WERTZ WAS NEVER GONNAGIVE ME THAT JOB. I NEVER HAD A CHANCE. THAT IS NOT TRUE.YOU HAD A VERY GOOD CHANCE. BUT YOU WERE AFRAIDTO FACE IT HEAD-ON. YOU MADE DAMN SUREYOU TURNED WERTZ DOWN BEFORE HE COULDTURN YOU DOWN. WELL, WHAT DIFFERENCEDOES IT MAKE, HUH? YOU KEATONS ARE ALWAYSGONNA BE AROUND TO HOLDTHE FAMILY BANNER HIGH. ALEX HERE WILL PROBABLYBE RUNNING THE COUNTRY BEFORE HE'S EVEN35 YEARS OLD. NOW, WHAT DIFFERENCEDOES IT MAKE IF OLD NED FALLSBY THE WAYSIDE, HUH? THAT'S THE MOST PATHETIC SPEECHI'VE EVER HEARD. OH, NO, NO, NO. THE MOST PATHETIC ONEIS COMING UP NOW. YOU GUYS HAVE ANY IDEAWHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE WASHED UP BEFOREYOU'RE EVEN 30 YEARS OLD? HUH? OLGA KORBUT, THE MOUSEKETEERS,NED DONNELLY -- WE'RE ALL HAS-BEENS. OKAY, YOU CAN GO AHEADAND YOU CAN ACT LIKE A KID, BUT YOU HAVEAN ADULT'S PROBLEM AND IT'S NOT GONNA GO AWAYBY ITSELF. YOU HAVEA DRINKING PROBLEM, NED. YOU NEED HELP. I DO NOT HAVEA DRINKING PROBLEM, AND I DO NOT NEED ANY HELP. YES, YOU DO!ADMIT IT! I-I THINK YOU SHOULD CALLALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS. Ned: YOU GOTTA BEKIDDING, ELYSE. YOU ACTUALLY THINKTHAT I'M AN ALCOHOLIC? NED...YOU'RE SICK.YOU HAVE A DISEASE. IF YOU DON'TDO SOMETHING ABOUT IT, IT'S GOING TO KILL YOU. I DON'T CARE. IT'S OVER FOR ME. IT IS NOT OVER FOR YOU,UNCLE NED. YOU WEREAT THE TOP ONCE. YOU -- YOU CAN MAKE ITBACK UP THERE AGAIN. DO YOU, UH, REMEMBERTHESE CLIPPINGS? YOUNG EXECUTIVEOF THE YEAR, 1980. UH, YOUR SPEECHBEFORE THE WORLD BANK. WHEN YOU MADEJUNIOR VICE PRESIDENT AT 28. ALEX, WHAT ARE YOU DOINGWITH THIS STUFF? WHENEVER I THINKI CAN'T ACHIEVE SOMETHING, I LOOK AT THOSE. YEAH, WELL, ALEX... THESE ARE ANCIENT HISTORY. THEY'RE GARBAGE! HEY, UNCLE NED,DON'T DO THAT. HEY, GIVE ME THOSE.LEAVE ME ALONE! GIVE ME THOSE.LEAVE ME ALONE!! WHAT THE HELLARE YOU DOING?! STEVEN. [ Crying ]I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW.I'M SORRY. SORRY, ALEX. ALL RIGHT, NED. THAT'S IT.IT'S OVER. RIGHT NOW, EITHER YOU GETSOME HELP, OR YOU GET THE HELLOUT OF MY HOUSE. HOW COULD I DO THAT? [ SOBBING ] I HIT ALEX. HOW COULD I DO THAT? [ SNIFFLES ] NOW WOULD YOU CALL A.A.? I GUESS I COULD LOOKUPON THIS AS A WAY OF MEETING WOMEN THAT SHAREA COMMON INTEREST WITH ME. [ SIGHS ] [ SIGHS ] [ SIGHS ] [ CLEARS THROAT ]HI. YES. UM... WOULD YOU BE INTERESTEDIN SUBSCRIBING TO THE COLUMBUS EXPRESS? [ CHUCKLES ] NO, NO, UH... [ Voice breaking ]UH, MY NAME IS NED DONNELLY, AND I HAVEA DRINKING PROBLEM.