[ THEME SONG PLAYS ] * I BET WE'VE BEEN TOGETHERFOR A MILLION YEARS * * AND I'LL BET WE'LL BE TOGETHERFOR A MILLION MORE * * OH, IT'S LIKEI STARTED BREATHING * * ON THE NIGHT WE KISSED * AND I CAN'T REMEMBERWHAT I EVER DID BEFORE * * WHAT WOULD WE DO, BABY * WITHOUT US? * WHAT WOULD WE DO, BABY * WITHOUT US? * AND THEREAIN'T NO NOTHIN' * * WE CAN'T LOVEEACH OTHER THROUGH * * OOH-HOO * WHAT WOULD WE DO, BABY * WITHOUT US? * SHA-LA-LA-LA STRETCH. STRETCH. STRE-- COME ON, JEN,YOU'RE NOT STRETCHING. MOM, I CAN'T STRETCH ANY MORE.I'M NOT GUMBY. LOOK, YOU'RE NOT GETTING OUTOF THIS. YOU ARE MY RUNNING PARTNERWHEN YOUR DAD'S OUT OF TOWN. WELL, CAN'T I JUST DRIVEALONGSIDE YOU? LET'S JUST GO. HI. -HI, HON.-HI. HEY, ALEX, YOU HAVE SOME FOODOR SOMETHING ON YOUR LIP. NO, I DON'T. YEAH, YOU DO.IT LOOKS LIKE A LITTLE SMUDGE. LET ME WIPE IT OFF FOR YOU. NO, MOM. MOM, IT'S NOT A SMUDGE. IT'S A MOUSTACHE. UH, NO, IT'S NOT.LET ME WIPE IT OFF. NO, MOM!MOM, MOM, MOM. IT'S A MOUST--LOOK. LOOK, SEE? WAIT A SECOND. OH, YEAH. I-I THINKI DO SEE A COUPLE OF HAIRS. WHERE? SEE -- SEE, LOOKIT.THERE'S ONE RIGHT THERE. JENNIFER, WOULD YOUGET OUT OF MY LIGHT? COME ON. MR. BIDNEY, THE PRINCIPALOF THE HIGH SCHOOL, ASKED ME TO DELIVERTHIS YEAR'S HOMECOMING ADDRESS AT THE DANCE NEXT WEEK. AND I JUST THOUGHT, AS AN OLDER, MORE MATUREGRADUATE OF THE SCHOOL, I SHOULD LOOK THE PART. THAT'S ALL. WE DIDN'T MEAN TO MAKE YOUFEEL SELF-CONSCIOUS. UH, ACTUALLY, UH,I THINK YOUR MOUSTACHE LOOKS -- LOOKS NICE. IT'S AMAZING, ISN'T IT? I THINKIT'S MY BODY'S WAY OF SAYING, "CONGRATULATIONS, ALEX,YOU'RE A MAN. A HAIRY MAN." -OH, HELLO THERE, ALEX.-HEY, SKIP. I'VE GOT SOME GREAT NEWS. YOU'VE, UH, GOT SOME DIRT THEREON YOUR LIP. SKIP, SKIP, IT'S NOT DIRT. IT'S A MOUSTACHE. OH, WOW.WHERE'D YOU GET IT? NEVER MIND. OKAY?NEVER MIND. NOW, W-WHAT WAS YOUR, UH --WHAT WAS YOUR GREAT NEWS? OH. UH, AFTER, UH, MUCH THOUGHTAND SERIOUS DELIBERATION, I'VE DECIDED TO ASK MALLORYTO THE HOMECOMING DANCE. WHAT ABOUT NICK? NAH, I THINKI LIKE MALLORY BETTER. COME ON, SKIPPY,WHY DO YOU TORTURE YOURSELF? MALLORY'S NOT GONNA GO TOTHE HOMECOMING DANCE WITH YOU. SHE'S IN LOVE WITH NICK. NO, NO, NO, ALEX. MALLORYISN'T REALLY IN LOVE WITH NICK. SHE'S JUST USING HIMTO MAKE ME JEALOUS. I LOVE YOU, NICK. NEED I SAY MORE? HELLO THERE, MALLORY. OH, HI. UH, HELLO, NICK. HOW YOU DOING THERE, BUDDY, HUH? OH! -I'M SORRY. YOU ALL RIGHT?-IT'S OKAY, IT'S OKAY. MY MOTHER CAN SEW THIS ARMRIGHT BACK ON. I GOT TO GO, BABE.I'LL SEE YOU LATER. -OKAY.-BYE. BYE. UH, MALLORY, WAIT A MINUTE. I'D LIKE TO ASK YOU SOMETHING. WHAT? WILL YOU GO TO THE HOMECOMINGDANCE WITH ME NEXT WEEK? NO, I WON'T GO TO THE HOMECOMINGDANCE WITH YOU NEXT WEEK. THANKS FOR GETTING BACK TO MESO FAST. AND SO, HARDING SENIORS, I STAND BEFORE YOUAS A FORMER GRADUATE, OLDER AND HAIRIER. NO, NO, THAT'S NO GOOD. OLDER, WISER... AND HAIRIER. MOM, DO I HAVE TO GO WITH YOU? HONEY, YOUR FATHERIS OUT OF TOWN. I NEED YOUR HELP.YOU'VE GOT TO FILL IN. MOM, I DON'T KNOWHOW TO PLAY BRIDGE. NEITHER DOES YOUR DAD. [ CHUCKLES ] OKAY, OKAY.ALL RIGHT. WHAT -- WHAT IS SO FUNNY? NOTHING. NOTHING. IT HAS NOTHING TO DOWITH YOUR MOUSTACHE. REALLY. OKAY, OKAY. I DON'T KNOW WHATYOU'RE SNICKERING ABOUT. THIS MOUSTACHE IS FLOURISHING. AS A MATTER OF FACT,I THINK IT NEEDS A TRIM. OH, NO. PLEASE, YOU'LL GET HAIRALL OVER THE PLACE. HEY, SKIPPY, SKIPPY.LISTEN, I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE. I'M WORKING ON MY SPEECH,AND I THINK I GOT A JOKE HERE. LET ME BOUNCE THIS OFF YOU. UH, SINCE I GRADUATED HARDING, I HAVE GROWN OLDER, MORE MATURE, AND A MOUSTACHE. WHAT DO YOU THINK? OHH! OKAY, I'M NOT SAYINGIT DOESN'T NEED WORK. OH, ALEX, I'M SORRY. I'M JUST --I'M NOT IN A LAUGHING MOOD. WHY?WHAT'S THE MATTER, SKIP? WELL, YESTERDAY'S TRAGEDYIS WEIGHING HEAVILY ON ME. BUT THEN, I'M SUREIT'S DEPRESSING YOU TOO, HUH? OH, YEAH.OH, YES, YES, YES. YEAH, IT SURE IS, SKIP. WHAT TRAGEDYARE YOU REFERRING TO? THE ONE WHERE MALLORY WON'T GOTO THE HOMECOMING DANCE WITH ME. OH, YEAH.THAT -- THAT TRAGEDY. WHOA. CAN'T SEEM TO GET THATOUT OF MY MIND. I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.I CAN'T UNDERSTAND IT. WHAT COULD MALLORY POSSIBLY SEEIN NICK? [ CLEARS THROAT ] I-I MEAN, WHAT COULD SHE SEEBESIDES WHAT I SEE IN NICK, WHICH IS A FINE, YOUNG, DECENT, POTENTIALLY LETHAL FELLOW. HEY, UH, SKIPPY, MALLORY TELLS ME YOU ASKED HERTO THE HOMECOMING DANCE. NO. NO, NO, NO, I -- I ASKED HER FOR DIRECTIONSTO THE HOMECOMING DANCE. PLEASE, NICK,Y-YOU GOT TO BELIEVE ME. WELL, YOU KNOW, I WOULDN'T HAVEMINDED IF SHE SAID YES. I MEAN, THEN THAT WAY I WOULDN'THAVE TO TAKE HER TO THIS THING. COME ON, NICK.WE'RE GONNA HAVE A GREAT TIME. OH, COME ON, MALLORY, THIS DANCEINVOLVES THREE THINGS I CAN'T STAND -- SCHOOL, WEARING A TIE, AND SCHOOL. -HEY.-HEY. ALEX, THIS IS NOT FAIR.I'VE KNOWN HER LONGER. I'VE LOVED HER LONGER. I LIVE CLOSE.I'M MORE CONVENIENT! WOMEN ARE FUNNY THAT WAY, SKIP. I'LL ASK SOMEONE ELSETO THE DANCE. I MEAN, WHEN MALLORY SEES MEWITH ANOTHER GIRL, SHE'LL BE SO JEALOUS SHE'LL BEGME TO COME BACK TO HER. THAT'S -- THAT'S --THAT'S A FOOLPROOF PLAN. I DON'T SEE ANY FLAWS IN IT. DO YOU THINK I'LL BE ABLE TO GETSOMEONE ELSE TO GO TO THE DANCE WITH ME? IT'S NOT MATHEMATICALLYIMPOSSIBLE. LOOK, SKIP, THERE'S A WHOLEWORLD OF WOMEN OUT THERE JUST WAITINGFOR A GUY LIKE YOU. GREAT. FIND ME ONE. ME? COME ON, YOU JUST SAID THERE WASA WHOLE WORLD OF WOMEN OUT THERE WAITING FOR A GUY LIKE ME. NOT OUR WORLD. COME ON, ALEX, PLEASE. COME ON, I NEED YOUR HELP HERE. ALL RIGHT, SKIP. OKAY.I'LL HELP YOU WITH THIS ONE BUT DON'T EXPECT ANY MIRACLES,ALL RIGHT? I DON'T, I DON'T. ALL I ASK IS THAT SHE BE FEMALEAND A HUMAN. YOU'RE KIND OFTYING MY HANDS HERE, SKIP. [ KNOCK ON DOOR ] -HEY, SKIP.-HEY, ALEX. HEY, WHAT ARE YOUALL DRESSED UP FOR? I'VE GOT A BIG DATE AND, WELL,I'M MEETING HER HERE. WELL, YOU LOOK GREAT.SHE MUST BE PRETTY SPECIAL. OH, YEAH.OH, SHE'S SPECIAL, MRS. KEATON. WHAT'S HER NAME? I DON'T KNOW. SYL-- SYLVIA.SYLVIA. UM, IT'S KIND OF A BLIND DATEI ARRANGED FOR SKIPPY. YEAH.WE'LL PROBABLY GET MARRIED. WELL, WHEN IT'S RIGHT,YOU KNOW IT. OH, BOY, ALEX,I'M REAL EXCITED ABOUT THIS. I MEAN, MALLORY'S GONNA SEE MEWITH ANOTHER GIRL, AND SHE'LL BE MINE. NOW, UH, SHE'S REAL PRETTY, HUH? SHE'S, UH... WELL, SHE'S SORT OF... -WHAT?-[ DOORBELL RINGS ] HERE. -HELLO, SYLVIA.-HELLO, ALEX. -CAN I TAKE YOUR COAT?-OH, THANK YOU. SYLVIA,THIS IS SKIPPY HANDELMAN. SKIPPY HANDELMAN,SYLVIA BOGNER. HELLO, MISS BOGNER. THAT'S MRS. BOGNER.I'M DIVORCED. OH.WELL, UH, ALL RIGHT. HELLO, MRS. SYLVIA BOGNER. -I'M A DOCTOR.-OKAY. -UH, MRS. ---DOCTOR. -DR. MRS. SYLVIA BOGNER.-MRS. SYLVIA BOGNER. SHALL WE SIT DOWN? SKIPPY? TESTING, ONE, TWO.TESTING, ONE, TWO. HANDELMAN, CASE NUMBER ONE. SYLVIA'S A PSYCHIATRIST. YES, I COME FROM A LONG LINEOF PSYCHIATRISTS. OH. OH, THAT'S A COINCIDENCE BECAUSE I-I COME FROMA LONG LINE OF PATIENTS. WELL, IT'S GREAT THAT YOU TWOHAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON. YES, IT'S REALLY NICE OF YOU TO HELP ME OUTON MY PROJECT, SKIPPY. OH, NO PROBLEM.W-WHAT PROJECT IS THAT? OH, I'M SORRY. I-I ASSUMED ALEX HAD TOLD YOU I'M WRITING FOR THE NATIONAL PSYCHIATRIC JOURNAL. A STUDYOF ADOLESCENT SOCIAL LIFE. ALEX TOLD ME YOU VOLUNTEERED TOLET ME USE YOU AS A CASE STUDY. ALEX, CAN I TALK TO YOUPRIVATELY FOR A MINUTE, PLEASE? W-WOULD YOU MIND EXCUSING USFOR A MOMENT, UH, MRS. -- DOCTOR. -UH, DR. MRS. SYLVIA BOGNER?-MRS. SYLVIA BOGNER. WHILE YOU TWO ARE TALKING,DO YOU MIND IF I USE THE PHONE? NO, NO. HELP YOURSELF.IT'S RIGHT OVER THERE. THANK YOU. I'D LIKE TO PHONE MY BABYSITTER AND MAKE SURE SHE PUTSMY CHILDREN TO BED BY 11. THEY GET TO STAY UP UNTIL 11? ALEX. ALEX. WHAT IS GOING ON? LOOK, SKIP, I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T GET A CHANCE TOGIVE YOU ALL THE INFORMATION. ALL THE INFORMATION? ALEX, YOU'VE GOT ME GOINGTO THE HOMECOMING DANCE WITH A DIVORCED MOTHER WHO'S STUDYING MEFOR A PSYCHOLOGY EXPERIMENT. I MEAN, IT'S --IT'S NOT EXACTLY A DREAM DATE. SKIP, YOU'RE NOTTHE EASIEST GUY IN THE WORLD TO GET A DATE FOR, OKAY? T-THE ONLY OTHER PERSONTHAT I COULD FIND WAS IN THE BIOLOGY DEPARTMENT, AND SHE WANTED TO DISSECT YOUAFTER THE DANCE. THANK YOU, ALEX.SHALL WE GO, SKIPPY? UM, YEAH, YES. SURE, MRS. BOGNER. HERE. OH, UH, MALLORY,I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET SOMEBODY. -OH.-THIS IS MRS. BOGNER, AND SHE'S WITH ME. HI.UM, I THINK WE MET BEFORE. YOU'RE, UH --YOU'RE SKIPPY'S AUNT. UH, NO. SHE'S MY DATE. OH, WELL, NICE TO MEET YOU. LISTEN, I GOT TO MAKE MY SPEECH AT THE DANCE TONIGHT,AND I CAN'T FIND MY NOTES. HAVE YOU SEEN THEM? MAYBE THEY'RE HIDDENIN YOUR MOUSTACHE. I-IT'S FILLING IN NICELY, HONEY. MAYBE I SHOULD JUST GIVE UPON THIS. OH, ALEX, YOU JUST NEEDTO GIVE IT MORE TIME. YEAH, H-HOW LONG HAVE YOUBEEN GROWING IT NOW? EIGHT MONTHS. [ KNOCK ON DOOR ] -HI, NICK.-HEY. CAN I COME IN? I DON'T WANT ANYBODY I KNOWTO SEE ME WEARING THIS TIE. HURRY.GET INSIDE. HEY, ALEX. HEY. GOT SOME KIND OF INSECTON YOUR UPPER LIP THERE. -HERE, LET ME KILL IT.-NO! NO, NICK. IT'S N-- IT'S NOT AN INSECT.IT'S A MOUSTACHE. OH.HEY, CAN I KILL IT ANYWAY? I'LL LET MALLORY KNOWYOU'RE HERE. NICK. HEY. COME ON IN. WHERE ARE THE KEATONS? THEY'LL BE BACK. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO THEM? THEY'RE ALL UPSTAIRS. I SEE. LISTEN, UM, I WANT TO TALKTO YOU ABOUT MALLORY. I NEVER TOUCHED HER, NICK.I SWEAR. WE'RE JUST NEIGHBORS.WE'RE NOT EVEN CLOSE NEIGHBORS. LOOK, YOU CAN'T EVEN SEEMY HOUSE FROM HERE. TAKE IT EASY, SKIPPY.RELAX. OKAY. UH... AHH. I'M VERY RELAXED NOW. I SWEAR. YOU AND HER ARE GOOD FRIENDS,HUH? WELL... I AM.SHE HATES ME. NO. NO, NO, NO, NO.I-I WOULDN'T SAY THAT'S TRUE. LISTEN, YOU AND HER HAVE HAD SOME GOOD TIMES TOGETHER,HAVEN'T YOU? A FEW. I USED TO LIKE IT WHEN SHE WOULD BABYSIT FOR MEWHEN I WAS LITTLE. IT WAS GREAT. SHE'D LET ME WATCH TV,READ ME STORIES. SHE'D LET ME STAY UP LATE. HEY, I THOUGHT YOU TWOWERE THE SAME AGE. WE ARE. SO LOOK, YOU KNOW, UM, I GET THE IDEAYOU KIND OF LIKE MALLORY. ALL RIGHT, LOOK, NICK, MAYBE I USED TO LIKE MALLORYA LITTLE BIT. BUT, UH, NOW I'M VERY MUCHIN LOVE WITH MRS. BOGNER. YEAH. WELL, YOU KNOW, UH,JUST THE SAME, I HOPE THE FACT THAT MALLORYAND I GO OUT TOGETHER HASN'T CAUSED YOU ANY, UM,BAD FEELINGS OR NOTHING. NOT A BIT. THAT'S GOOD, YOU KNOW,'CAUSE I LIKE YOU. YOU'RE A GOOD GUY. OKAY, MALLORY, COME ON DOWN. OH, MALLORY, YOU LOOK... JUST OKAY, I GUESS. THANKS.WELL, NICK, WHAT DO YOU THINK? I THINK YOU ARE GONNA BETHE BEST LOOKING GIRL IN THE PLACE TONIGHT. LET'S GET A PICTURE. OH, NO, NO. THEN I'VE GOT TOTAKE THIS TIE OFF. -NO, DON'T.-[ DOORBELL RINGS ] OH, I'LL GET IT.I'LL GET IT. AH. HELLO, SYLVIA. GOOD EVENING, ALEX. OH.HELLO, MRS. BOGNER. YOU'RE LOOKING RAVISHINGTHIS EVENING. OH!WHY, THANK YOU, SKIPPY. SHALL WE GO? -I HAVE A CAR WAITING.-OH. MY DAD'S GONNA DRIVE US. OH. * ALWAYS ON MY MIND CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION,PLEASE? WELL, WELCOME TO HOMECOMING. AND TO BEGIN THE FESTIVITIES, I TAKE GREAT PLEASUREIN INTRODUCING THE SALUTATORIANOF THE CLASS OF 1984, OUR HOMECOMING SPEAKER, ALEX P. KEATON. THANK YOU.THANK YOU, MR. BIDNEY. YOU KNOW, UH, AS I MADE MY WAYHERE THIS EVENING, I WAS REFLECTING ON HOW MUCHHAS CHANGED IN OUR WORLD SINCE I LEFT HARDING. MOSTLY MY FACE. ARE YOU HAVING A GOOD TIME,SKIPPY? OH, YEAH. OH, YEAH.I REALLY AM. NO, I'M NOT.I'M MISERABLE. WIDE MOOD SWINGS. LOOK -- LOOK OVER THERE. LOOK AT --LOOK AT MALLORY AND NICK. HE'S GOT HIS ARM AROUND HER.SHE'S WHISPERING IN HIS EAR. THEY'RE HAVING A GREAT TIME. YES.ISN'T THAT NICE? MRS. BOGNER,I'M IN LOVE WITH MALLORY. I-I'VE BEEN IN LOVE WITH HEREVER SINCE I WAS 6 MONTHS OLD. SURE, SOME OF YOU MAY ASK, "WHY A MOUSTACHE? "WHY -- WHY NOT A BEARD? "A GOATEE? OR PERHAPS SOME OUTRAGEOUS,EYE-CATCHING SIDEBURNS?" MRS. BOGNER, PLEASE.YOU GOT TO HELP ME. YOU STUDYADOLESCENT SOCIAL BEHAVIOR. WELL, WHAT WOULD AN ADOLESCENTDO IN THIS SITUATION? SKIPPY, YOU ARE AN ADOLESCENT. I KNOW. BUT I'M STILLIN THE MIDDLE OF ADOLESCENCE. YOU KNOW HOW IT TURNS OUT. ALL I CAN TELL YOU, SKIPPY, IS DON'T DENY THE FEELINGSYOU HAVE. DON'T BE AFRAIDTO ACT ON THEM. ACT ON MY FEELINGS? THAT MAKES A LOT OF SENSE. THANK YOU. OH, IT'S BEEN MY PLEASURE,SKIPPY. YOU'VE BEENA FASCINATING SUBJECT. SO MUCH NICER THAN THOSEWHITE MICE I USUALLY WORK WITH. THANK YOU. SURE, FACIAL HAIRMAY NOT BE THE ANSWER... ...TO ALL THE WORLD'S PROBLEMS, BUT WE MUST START SOMEWHERE. THANK YOU. [ SLOW DANCE MUSIC PLAYING ] I'M CUTTING IN. [ CLEARS THROAT ] I SAID, I'M CUTTING IN, NICK. NICK, NOW. HEY. -[ SCOFFS ]-[ CLEARS THROAT ] SKIPPY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? NICK, MALLORY IS MY GIRL, AND I'M WILLINGTO FIGHT FOR HER. 'CAUSE I'VE KNOWN HERLONGER THAN YOU. AND IF IT WASN'T FOR YOU, SHE'DBE WITH ME HERE AT THIS DANCE. NOW, THESE ARE MY FEELINGS,AND I'M ACTING ON THEM. THE PSYCHIATRIC COMMUNITY'SGOING TO BACK ME UP ON ON THIS. HEY. HEY, HEY.COME ON, NOW, SKIPPY. -SKIPPY, I DON'T WANT TO FIGHT.-YEAH, BUT I DO. I DO. JUST... [ CROWD MURMURING ] HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.NICK, SKIPPY. WHAT'S GOING ON? I DON'T KNOW. I THINKHE REALLY WANTS TO DANCE. SKI-- WHOA, SKIPPY. I GOT HIM, NICK.WHOA! SKIPPY. HERE. WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE?BREAK THIS UP! BREAK THIS UP!BREAK IT UP. BREAK IT UP. COME ON. HANDELMAN, FOR A MANWITH FOUR OVERDUE LIBRARY BOOKS, YOU'RE TREADINGON VERY THIN ICE. KEATON. NOT YOU? I'M SORRY, SIR.I DON'T KNOW WHAT GOT INTO ME. MUST BE THE MOUSTACHE. YOUR DAD ALWAYS LETS ME WIN. ALL RIGHT, OKAY,THAT'S THE LAST TIME I GO ANYWHERE NEAR YOU, YOU,OR SKIPPY. WHAT HAPPENED? ONE MINUTE, I'M TALKING TO --TO MR. BIDNEY, AND THE NEXT MINUTEI'M REFEREEING A FIGHT BETWEEN SKIPPY AND NICK. WHAT WAS THE FIGHT ABOUT? IT WAS OVER MALLORY.CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? -ARE YOU AND SKIPPY OKAY, NICK?-YEAH, WE'RE ALL RIGHT. LUCKILY, WE FELL ON TOP OF ALEX OR SOMEBODY COULD HAVEGOTTEN HURT. WELL, I'M GLAD I COULD BEOF SERVICE. NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,I'M GONNA GO UPSTAIRS AND SHAVE THIS MOUSTACHE OFF. AH, SEE?I TOLD YOU IT WAS A MOUSTACHE. CAN WE AT LEAST TAKE A PHOTOOF IT BEFORE I SHAVE IT OFF? OH, GOOD IDEA.I'LL GO GET THE ZOOM LENS. WHAT COULD SKIPPYHAVE BEEN THINKING? I NEVER THOUGHTHE'D DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT. HEY, DON'T BE SO HARDON THE GUY, MAL. I MEAN, HE ALMOST GOT HIMSELFKILLED TONIGHT BECAUSE HE CARES ABOUT YOU. YOU KNOW, HE'S NICE,IN AN ANNOYING WAY. AH.SO YOU DO LIKE HIM. YOU KNOW,YOU SHOULD TELL HIM THAT. MAYBE. IT'S KIND OF COMFORTINGTO HAVE HIM AROUND, YOU KNOW? HE'S LIKE AN OLD SOCK. AH, YOU SEE? YOU KNOW,I THINK HE'D LIKE TO HEAR THAT. OH. HI, NICK. HEY. LOOK, I'M SORRY ABOUT TONIGHT. I HOPE I DIDN'T HURT YOUTOO BADLY. HEY, HEY, HEY,NO HARD FEELINGS. LOOK, UM, I'M GONNA GOIN THE OTHER ROOM SO YOU TWO CAN TALK ALONE. OKAY. THAT'S VERY NICE OF YOU, NICK.THANK YOU. SURE. UM, MALLORY, DID YOU HAVEA GOOD TIME AT THE DANCE? GREAT. UM... WHERE'S MRS. BOGNER? WELL, SHE WAS GETTING A LITTLEHUNG UP ON ME SO I HAD TO, UH, CUT HER LOOSE. I'M SORRY. NO, MALLORY,I'M THE ONE WHO'S SORRY. YOU'VE BEEN REJECTING MEFOR 18 YEARS. AND I JUST KEEP ON MAKING A FOOLOF MYSELF, HOPING SOMETHING'S GONNA CHANGE. HAS IT BEEN THAT LONG? YEAH.AND IT'S TIME I GREW UP. I'M -- I'M GLADTHIS HAPPENED TONIGHT. IT MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'VEBEEN LIVING IN A DREAM WORLD. D-DO YOU KNOW THAT I USED TO SITAROUND JUST THINKING ABOUT WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKEIF WE GOT MARRIED? [ COUGHS ] -MARRIED?-YEAH! YEAH, I HAD THE WHOLE THINGPLANNED OUT. A BIG CEREMONY AT NIGHT,UNDER A BIG TENT. LIKE A CIRCUS. EXACTLY. BUT INSTEAD OF WALKING DOWNTHE AISLE, I GET SHOT OUT OF A CANNONTOWARD THE ALTAR. AND THEN, UH,WE'D GO ON OUR HONEYMOON. WE'D GO TO PARIS, WHERE WE'D SPEND OUR EVENINGSDINING ALONE ON THE BANKS OF THE NILE. SKIPPY. THE NILE'S IN LONDON. WHATEVER. AND THEN WE'D COME BACKAND BUY A HOUSE WITH ALL THE MONEY I'D MAKE FROMMY JOB AS A SEAT-BELT TESTER. SKIPPY, DID YOU EVERSTOP TO THINK THAT MAYBE I'M NOT THE ONEFOR YOU? I MEAN, I'M REALLY NOT ASWONDERFUL AS YOU THINK I AM. IN FACT, I THINK I'VE BEEN PRETTY MEAN TO YOUOVER THE YEARS. HEY, REMEMBER THAT TIMEWHEN WE WERE 2 YEARS OLD? I TRIED TO GLUE YOUTO YOUR PLAYHOUSE DOOR? DO I REMEMBER? MALLORY, THAT WAS THE GREATESTTHING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME. I MEAN, DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? WHEN YOU PAY ATTENTION TO ME,IT SHOWS ME THAT YOU CARE. SKIPPY, I DO CARE.BUT COME ON, WE'RE 18 YEARS OLD. IF YOU AND I ARE GONNA CONTINUETO BE FRIENDS, I THINK WE HAVE TO START DEALINGWITH EACH OTHER LIKE ADULTS. YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.I KNOW. LOOK, SKIPPY, LET'S MAKE AN AGREEMENT, OKAY? I PROMISE TO STOP BEING MEANTO YOU IF YOU PROMISETO STOP TREATING ME IN THIS SILLY, CHILDISH,ROMANTIC WAY, OKAY? FROM NOW ON WE'LL JUST HAVENORMAL CONVERSATIONS. YEAH, SURE.I'LL GIVE IT A SHOT. OKAY, LET'S TRY RIGHT NOW. HELLO, SKIPPY.HOW ARE YOU? I'M VERY FINE. THANK YOU FOR ASKING, MALLORY. UM, HOW ARE YOUR PARENTS? THEY'RE VERY WELL, AND... WILL YOU MARRY ME? I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY.I JUST -- I NEED MORE PRACTICE. I'M NOT VERY GOODAT BEING NORMAL. MALLORY, YOU -- YOU GOT TOGIVE ME MORE TIME. I WILL. IF YOU PROMISEYOU'LL KEEP TRYING. I WILL. I PROMISE. BUT OCCASIONALLY, JUST --JUST FOR OLD TIMES' SAKE, WOULD IT BE ALL RIGHTIF I CAME BY AND BUGGED YOU AND YOU GLUED ME TO SOMETHING? WOULDN'T HAVE IT ANY OTHER WAY.